Piano Man is Moving Out

And So It Goes...

Billy Joel and his wife are splitting up after five years of marriage. What? A marriage between a celebrity and a woman 32 years his junior didn't work out? Don't Ask Me Why but I thought they were going to last The Longest Time. A rep for the couple has not commented on what caused the breakup but it's believed they were under a lot of Pressure. Apparently Katie Lee, who once hosted Top Chef and is friends with Gwyneth Paltrow thought she was a Big Shot and Billy Joel wanted to Say Goodbye To Hollywood because he's in a New York State of Mind. Rumours have also been swirling that one of them was not Keeping the Faith. If you guessed her, You May be Right. Apparently Billy is An Innocent Man but his wife, not so much. Word is, She's Got a Way with some Israeli fashion designer. I guess their marriage wasn't A Matter of Trust. I'd like to tell Katie "You're Only Human," but I don't the gold digging whore so someone else will have to Tell Her About It.

Yes, I am a Billy Joel fan and know all of his songs. Deal with it. Plus he drunk drove into a house so It's Still Rock and Roll to Me.

I Need to Marry Russell Simmons. NOW

I don't think I want kids, frankly the whole 'not drinking for nine months' thing probably wouldn't work out well for me or anyone around me for that matter. Plus I am not what you would call a patient woman and I'd be going Christian Bale on those poor kids every day. However, I might consider putting down the vodka bottle and taking anger management for Russell Simmons. Cause apparently popping out a couple puppies for Russell means your ass is set for life. And by 'set for life' I mean you're wiping your ass with gold toilet paper, putting diamond ice cubes in your drinks and blowing your nose with thousand dollar bills.



Russell and his ex-wife, Kimora Lee, who have two children together, have finalized their divorce and the settlement calls for Russell to pay her ass 40 thousand dollars a month in child support until the girls turn 19. Those little brats are only six and nine years old right now so that Brinks truck will be backing up to Kimora's house for another 13 years! THIS IS SOME CASH FOR LIFE LOTTERY SHIT!!!!!
And that's not all. R-Sim also agreed to buy the girls a car worth at least 60 grand which will be replaced every three years. Seriously, if I was Russell Simmons I would vasectomize that shit right now.