Scarlett Johansson is my girl crush
now but back in the '90s, my faux lesbian heart belonged to Helena Christensen. Above is Helena now at 41 years old. Holy crap.
Helena was one of the big supermodels of the day. She was never as famous Cindy, Linda or Naomi but she was my favourite. You remember Chris Isaak's Wicked Game video? Seriously, how hot was that? It came out when I was in junior high and I was like 'Omigod, are they like,
doing it?'
The video, directed by the late, great Herb Ritts is still my number one sexiest video of all time. I think another part of my girl crush on Helena had to do with the fact that she used to date the walking sex that was Michael Hutchence...
Hutch was
such a hot bitch. I loooved INXS. Make fun of me if you want but Michael Hutchence was a trailblazer. I mean, his Australian ass was found naked and dead with drugs in his system more than
ten years before Heath Ledger pulled that shit. Anyway, unlike Hutch and Heath, Helena is still kicking and looking amazing...
That said, obviously there's some photoshop wizardry at work here. I know this because when my friend Chany and I were in Dublin we saw Ms. Christensen in person. It had been a long and tense day for us. As I've previously written about, we spent hours in the cold, rain and intense winds, wandering the streets of Dublin on a mission to find and take a picture of Hanover Studios where U2 records. After accomplishing our mission, we headed to the airport. We arrived cold, wet, dirty and not to mention beat the fuck down from the previous two nights of Olympic-style competitive drinking.
We walked into the airport and who should we run into but Helena fucking Christensen. Of course! Cause when you're looking like something a cat coughed up, you
definitely want to run into an international supermodel to make you feel even worse about your disgusting self! I gasped and clutched Chany. "It's Helena Christensen," I hissed through my clenched teeth so my girl crush of yore wouldn't hear me. We totally followed her ass through the airport and stood in line for a smoothie behind her. I'm not gonna lie, she was looking slightly rough. But supermodel rough, not
regular bitch off the street rough. I should be so lucky to look like this bitch on her most heinous of days.
