Crap As We Know It

Not even baiting me with Josh Duhamel in his skivvies would lure me into the theatre to see this hot mess called Life As We Know It. Have you seen the trailer for this vom com? Allow me to summarize: Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel are set up on a date by their married friends. They hate each other instantly and vow to never see each other again. Fair enough. Then fast forward and the matchmaking couple is tragically killed, leaving their infant daughter an orphan. Hilarious!!!! But it gets even funnier! Who does the couple leave in charge of their orphaned child? Why, the two people who hate each other, of course! Katherine and Josh are then forced to move into their dead friends' home where crazy hijinks ensue as these ill-equipped idiots attempt to navigate the wacky waters that is parenting. Barf.


First of all, if, Dog forbid, any of my breeder friends died and left ME their offspring, I would take that as an obvious sign that a) they never really liked me very much and b) they evidently didn't like their baby very much either since it's well-known that my maternal instincts lie somewhere between those of Susan Smith and Andrea Yates. That aside, I give the side eye to any comedy whose whole plot depends on the tragic death of two new parents. Don't get me wrong, I'm not precious (based on the novel Push by Saphire) I can laugh and have laughed at pretty much anything but...really? However, the bigger problem is, you can already tell that, after much bumbling over dirty diapers and fighting over who has to change them, that Josh and Katherine are obviously going to end up together at the end, happily raising the orphan as their own. It's so fucking predictable and you can see coming a mile away. Shit, upon watching the trailer even Stevie Wonder was like "I can clearly see these two are gonna end up together at the end, yo."


Lame, predictable vom coms are made every day but what makes this one even more cringe-inducing is that it stars the smug bitch that is Katherine Heigl. I'm still scratching my head as to how she trashed the genuinely funny comedy that was Knocked Up, accusing it of being unfair to women, and then went on to make such cinematic gems as 27 Dresses, and The Ugly Truth, the latter of which featured the female empowering scene that was Katherine being tantalized by a vibrator controlled by a little boy whilst dining at a restaurant. And as she was with that movie, Katherine is an executive producer of Life As We Know It. Good to see her using her Hollywood clout to make interesting, complex stories about strong women. Eye roll.

If you're a masochist, check out the trailer for Life As We Know It below;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32DB3GP96ag

Mel Gibson's Peen is a Lethal Weapon

Mel Gibson has confirmed he is expecting a baby with his Russian mail order girlfriend whose name I seriously cannot be bothered to Google. Mel is not yet divorced from Robyn, his wife of 28 years and mother of his seven previous children. Mel is reportedly worth in the neighbourhood of a billion dollars so that sound you just heard was that Russian chick's vagina making a 'cha ching' noise. Bitch just scored herself 18 years of monthly fat paychecks. Well done Russian chick, I raise a glass of vodka to you. We should all be so entrepreneurial in these times of economic uncertainty.

Mel Gibson is Catholic. Super duper Catholic. He's so devout that he opened his own church a few years back, Church of The Holy Family, a church in which the women must wear head coverings whilst worshipping as Mel believes in an ultra conservative form of Catholicism, before it was modernized (if you can even call it that) by the Second Vatican Council of of 1962-1965. Of the chances his Episcopalian wife Robyn getting into heaven, Mel once told the New Yorker, "my wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly. She's, like, Episcopalian, Church of England. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in that stuff. And it's just not fair if she doesn't make it, she's better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair. I go with it." Gee, can't imagine why that union didn't work out. "Sorry honey, I know I'm a drunk driving, Jew-hating whore monger but I'll be kicking it in heaven while you're burning in hell! Now get me another drink, Sugar Tits!"

Okay, forgive my ignorance, I've never read the bible (for the same reason I've never read the Lord Of The Rings books - I'm just not that into fantasy fiction) so I don't know this for sure but wouldn't it be like, frowned upon, for a super duper traditionalist Catholic to get divorced? And to have a baby out of wedlock? Doesn't Mel have to get his 28-year marriage annulled? Wouldn't that render his seven previous children illegitimate bastards? Won't this new baby be considered a bastard too? Why does it seem the only hardcore Catholic belief Mel is practicing is the one about not using birth control? To paraphrase the immortal words of Dorothy Zbornak, 'Condoms Mel, Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrMOW9m20x0