Mel Gibson's Peen is a Lethal Weapon

Mel Gibson has confirmed he is expecting a baby with his Russian mail order girlfriend whose name I seriously cannot be bothered to Google. Mel is not yet divorced from Robyn, his wife of 28 years and mother of his seven previous children. Mel is reportedly worth in the neighbourhood of a billion dollars so that sound you just heard was that Russian chick's vagina making a 'cha ching' noise. Bitch just scored herself 18 years of monthly fat paychecks. Well done Russian chick, I raise a glass of vodka to you. We should all be so entrepreneurial in these times of economic uncertainty.

Mel Gibson is Catholic. Super duper Catholic. He's so devout that he opened his own church a few years back, Church of The Holy Family, a church in which the women must wear head coverings whilst worshipping as Mel believes in an ultra conservative form of Catholicism, before it was modernized (if you can even call it that) by the Second Vatican Council of of 1962-1965. Of the chances his Episcopalian wife Robyn getting into heaven, Mel once told the New Yorker, "my wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly. She's, like, Episcopalian, Church of England. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in that stuff. And it's just not fair if she doesn't make it, she's better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair. I go with it." Gee, can't imagine why that union didn't work out. "Sorry honey, I know I'm a drunk driving, Jew-hating whore monger but I'll be kicking it in heaven while you're burning in hell! Now get me another drink, Sugar Tits!"

Okay, forgive my ignorance, I've never read the bible (for the same reason I've never read the Lord Of The Rings books - I'm just not that into fantasy fiction) so I don't know this for sure but wouldn't it be like, frowned upon, for a super duper traditionalist Catholic to get divorced? And to have a baby out of wedlock? Doesn't Mel have to get his 28-year marriage annulled? Wouldn't that render his seven previous children illegitimate bastards? Won't this new baby be considered a bastard too? Why does it seem the only hardcore Catholic belief Mel is practicing is the one about not using birth control? To paraphrase the immortal words of Dorothy Zbornak, 'Condoms Mel, Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrMOW9m20x0