Torture Innocent Animals, Get a Reality Show. God Bless America!!

Take your laptop into the bathroom to read this because this shit is going to make you want to vomit everything you've ever eaten or even thought about eating....Philadelphia Eagles QB, convicted felon, torturer of animals and all around hemorrhoid on the ass of society, Michael Vick is getting his own reality show! America, the beautiful!

Vick, as you'll recall, served 18 months, aka NOT ENOUGH TIME, in prison for operating a dogfighting ring. Since completing his sentence, which was likely akin to a stay at a country club, this scum signed a 1.3 million dollar contract with an option for next year worth 5.2 million. Who says crime doesn't pay, kids? As long as you can throw a fucking football or sing an R&B song, you can cut your ex wife's throat, beat the fuck out of your girlfriend or torture innocent animals and still laugh your ass all the way to the bank while thousands of hard-working, law-abiding chumps struggle paycheck to paycheck. Awesome!

The 8-part Michael Vick Project will air on BET sometime next year. A rep from the network says; “Michael Vick’s story is about second chances, and we are excited to have the opportunity to tell his complete story." Uh huh. Too bad many of the dogs he heartlessly tortured will not get that same second chance. But oh well, right? They're just animals, they don't count. The monster himself says the reasoning behind doing the series is he wanted to show, “the ugly results of my decisions.” Oh reeaaaally. Personally, I'd rather those ugly results involved him getting brutally ass raped within an inch of his miserable life while his balls are locked in a vise rather than him cashing million dollar checks. Speaking of ugly results, if you really want to see the ugly results of dogfighting, click on the link below and then tell me this Vick business isn't some fucked up shit. The image below is disturbing, to say the least.

http://www.usanimalprotection.org/gypsy100.jpg

Jon and Kate Minus JLo

I've never seen an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 for two reasons 1) I don't think turning your uterus into a science experiment and then birthing a litter of human kittens makes you worthy of your own TV show and 2) having eight small kids of my own would be my absolute worst nightmare come to life (unless they were like, using their small hands for something constructive like making me outfits with intricate detailing) so I don't think watching this screaming nightmare play out on television every week would be particularly entertaining for me. The only exposure I've had to the show is the clips my boyfriend Joel McHale has shown on The Soup and from those alone it seems like this Kate woman is a real turbo bitch and her husband is a real pussy. Are we sure it wasn't him that birthed that litter of kitties? In Kate's defense, if I had eight kids, I'd be a heinous twat too. Insufferable. It doesn't explain her hair though, seriously, what the fuck is with that shit? Did one of her kids get a hold of the scissors?

Anyway, despite never having seen the show, I can't escape these two douchebags because they are all over the God damned place lately with their supposed marital problems and rumoured cheating. It would be physically impossible for me to care any less about these famewhores but here's one thing I do care about; apparently because the rumours around these two have made the show such a ratings bonanza and cash cow (nearly ten million people watched the season premiere this week, WTF?) TLC has decided to squash plans to give Jennifer Lopez her own reality show. Apparently the show was set to centre on JLo launching her new fragrance. Sounds like a stinker of a show to me. So while I'm sick of looking at Jon and Kate plus their eight kids, if they kept JLo off my TV, I'm eternally grateful.