This is The Best Mickey Rourke Has Looked In Years

Around Oscar time earlier this year I was obsessed with all things Mickey Rourke - his mangled mug confused me,  his wardrobe choices intrigued me, his hair frightened me, his devotion to his dogs melted the ice block in my chest that was once my heart. When his beloved Loki died, I felt MickRo's pain and salty liquid fell from my eyes (these are 'tears' I'm told) When Mickey's tragedy was compounded just days later by losing the Oscar to Sean Penn, I too felt the pang of injustice, striking me in my chest like a Bon Jovi-style shot through the heart.  I wanted to protest, to take to the streets, to start some kind of letter-writing campaign, perhaps a 1960's-style sit-in? But then, like most of my obsessions, I got over it and moved on. Until now...

Above is the first shot of MickRo from the set of Iron Man 2. Look how glorious he looks! The Mickster plays Whiplash, an adversary of Tony Stark, played of course by the getting hotter with age hotness that is Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man 2 opens May 7th 2010. RDJ and Mickey Rourke in one film? It may prove to be too much.

Calgon Take Her Away

Pretty please?

H-E-I-N-O-U-S

She's wearing a sparkly Hefty bag as a dress (recycley!) but this is still the best Fergie has looked in years. I don't want to say bitch has a busted face but...well, I guess I just did.

P.S. Has anyone heard the new Black Eyed Peas song Boom Boom Pow? Does the following lyric bother the fuck out of anyone else like it does me?

"I'm so 2008, you're so two thousand and late."

Uhm...It's 2009

Editor's Note: My friend tells me the lyric is actually "I'm so 3008." Whatever. Still a stupid song.

Honk if There's a Busted Ass Hole on My Face!

Lisa Rinna and her busted ass hole lips were pimping themselves out on Melrose Avenue yesterday as part of some bullshit stunt to get her ass cast in the new Melrose Place remake. Unless the script calls for a woman who is victimized by a malicious plastic surgeon who, while she's in surgery, replaces her mouth with a hemmorrhoid-inflamed ass hole, I'd say her chances are pretty slim.

I mean, take a look at this mess. This bitch must use Preparation H as lipstick.

Hey Mickey You WERE so Fine, You WERE so Fine it Blows My Mind.

Ah, Mickey and Loki, a love affair for the ages, like Bogi and Bacall, Tracy and Hepburn before them. One single tear slides down my face....

As has been well-documented, I'm obsessed with everything Mickey Rourke. I want to be friends with his crazy ass and busted face and I'm not even being facetious. I know Mickey and I will have some pretty legendary adventures together that would likely involve an arrest, burying a body or doctering fake passports, or possibly all three, and that that's just in one night. But now that the hoopla of the Oscars has died down, I am worried I'm not going to get my regular Mickey fix (until of course we eventually settle in Miami with our respective exquisitely-attired animals, glorious shoe collections and memories of wilder days) I know that Mickey isn't nice to look at, in fact a few years ago my friend Alex and I were in New York covering the Tribeca film festival and we saw some bloated, dishelved, crazy-looking mess of a man and I started screaming "Mickey! Mickey!"

It was not in fact, Mickey Rourke.



You can see how I might have been mistaken.

But as my friend Kyla reminded me yesterday, Mickey hasn't always been busted. In fact, there was a time when, before the years of boxing took its toll on his mug, before the ghetto plastic surgery to fix said toll, when the Mickster was, if you can believe it, considered a hearthrob. I know bile just rose up into your throat, swallow it down and check out some Mickey Rourke of yesteryear. Hard to believe it's even the same person.







I have to admit I'd probably want to get with old school Mikey, he was quite a piece. But in all honesty, I prefer the busted, crazy, swigging-champs-from-the-bottle, sexually-harrassing, dog-loving, wacko Mickey. He seems like fun.




New York magazine appears equally fascinated with My Mickey as the fine folks there have compiled a photo slideshow called "Mickey Rourke's Face; A History" Cut and paste this shit below;

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/12/mickey_rourkes_face_a_history.html#photo=2

Hey Mickey You're So Fine, You're So Fine You Blow My Mind (and by that I mean you make me want to blow my brains out)

Mickey Rourke. There are no words.

Robyn, please tell me you see this.

Evan Rachel Not Tongue Wresting with The Wrestler

After the SAG awards last weekend, rumours were swirling that 21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted swapping spit with the busted face of her The Wrestler co-star, 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. Not so says Wood. She told Rolling Stone:

“I'm upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke.. I’m not attracted to him. He’s too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will."

Snap!

Honey, before you go getting all outraged, understand how we may have been tempted to believe that you were making out with Mickey and his ground beef face. You did, after all, date this guy.....