Unfrozen Caveman Rapper

MC Hobo has crawled out of his ditch for some more derelicte douchebaggery in Miami.

Actor-turned-fake homeless rapper Joaquin Phoenix took to the stage at some club in the city of Blanche Devereaux last night for another episode of his elaborate hoax. JoaqPho turned it up a notch by involving a member of the audience in his performance art this time. Why do I suspect this 'member of the audience' is a little-known Phoenix or Affleck cousin? It's a good thing Dorothy Zbornak was at the Rusty Anchor with Blanche last night because if she was there, she would not stand for these shenanigans. Dorothy does not have time for this shit.

Anyway, last night's script called for Joaquin to call out some dude for allegedly heckling him and then leap off the stage and lunge for the guy but not before Joaquin called him out saying "Bitch, this is a $3,000 fucking suit!" How very GOB of him! He really needed to finish that sentence with "Come on!!" Next time Joaquin, next time. Thankfully, while Joaquin was engaging in alleged fisticuffs with his 'heckler' the mice that reside in his beard crawled out and took over the mic to keep the audience entertained. Of course, my Boston boyfriend Casey Affleck was there filming all this clusterfuckery for their 'documentary.'

A member of the audience had this to say about Joaquin's derelicte look to Us Weekly;

"He looks like he needs a shower. Is he doing a Geico commercial? He looks like a fancy caveman!"

I love when people say 'fancy!' Please tell me someone else remembers that super old SNL sketch with Phil Hartman, Unfrozen Caveman Laywer?????



Joaquin Phoenix is Unfrozen Caveman Rapper.



This is a youtube link to last night's Andy Kaufman-style bullshit;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvob6h0Vg-Q

She Needs to Date Joaquin Phoenix

Homelessness is a very real problem in North American society. One that will only get worse as we plunge deeper into this global economic crisis. One only has to look at this photo of this poor, young, homeless girl to put a face to this problem....



Wait. What?

This is Mary Kate Olsen? I see.

Don't you just love it when millionaires who can afford to buy and sell your ass choose to starve themselves and dress like trolls who live under a bridge? Yeah, me neither. Sad thing is you know bitch paid more for this ensemble than you did for your car. THIS IS SOME SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE SHIT!!1!!

Ben Stiller Channels MC Hobo

I just about choked on my wine when Ben Stiller strolled on stage dressed like Joaquin Phoenix from his 'performance' on Letterman. Upon further reflection, it made perfect sense because Joaquin Phoenix has been looking like the face of the Derelicte campaign lately. Seriously I could not stop laughing during this. When Natalie Portman told him he looked like he worked at a Hasidic Meth Lab, I lost my shit.

It remains to be seen whether former actor and current homeless rapper Joaquin Phoenix is just fucking with us or if he's truly lost his mind. I guess if Joaquin is found dead in a ditch of a drug overdose or has his face eaten off by the mice living in his beard, Ben Stiller might feel bad about this but until then - hilarious!