Farewell To (Zombie) Arms?

I say this with all due respect to Madonna and the admiration of her that comes with any 80s child, but you know how her arms are the stuff of terrifying nightmares? The kind that wake you in the night shivering whilst also drenched in sweat? The kind that have you calling out for your mommy even though she's in another province? The kind that creep into your conscious mind and have you frightened even during daylight hours? Well friends, the recurring nightmare that are Madge's arms might be coming to an end. Yes, something else to be thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend!

Word on the street and in the gym (yeah, like I go there) is that Madonna has fired her personal trainer of three years Tracy Anderson. Madonna has apparently grown tired of Tracy's baggage, whatever the hell that means and apparently Tracy wants to spend more time with her son. I don't care why they're not working together anymore, just that there's a possibility we'll no longer be subjected to images like these....

Btw, below is a link to Tracy Anderson's official website, just in case you want to send her receipts in an effort to get a refund for all the Ambien you had to take in order to get a good night's sleep after seeing Madonna's zombie arms.

http://tracyandersonmethod.com/

And just because it's Thanksgiving and I'm in a the giving spirit, I'll leave you with some images of Madonna back when she looked like she still had some estrogen coursing through her body. After all, you have a turkey to eat, you need your appetites! Let's hope Madonna has regained hers. Seriously Madge, have a cookie! They're delish!

I Do Not Want Tickets To This Gun Show

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Just.No.

If you heard OctoMommy Nadya Suleman's story and instead of being outraged, revolted, disgusted and generally depressed as fuck, your dumb ass thought 'hey, I want to have octuplets of my own," perhaps these images will put you right in the brains again.....




These horrifying images were taken eight days before doctors went in and cut those doomed babies out of her clown car uterus. This shit is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin. In the meantime, I'm going to find my childhood blankey, retreat under the covers, curl up into the fetal position and rock back and forth for a few hours. This shit is nightmare-inducing. I will never sleep again without the help of pills and a bottle of wine. Wait, that's different how?

I apologize for springing this scary shit on your unsuspecting eyes and souls. If you ate breakfast before seeing these photos, you just vomited into your keyboard. If you haven't eaten yet, you just lost your appetite. Hey, I see a weight loss plan here! Anytime you want to stuff your face, just look at these photos and you'll lose your appetite! Or, if you just came back from an all-you-can-eat and you feel like your pants are going to explode right off your body, look at these photos and you will barf up everything you ate and everything you even thought of eating. Someone needs to call Jenny Craig, there's a new diet in here somewhere. OctoMommy's publicist (I'm still reeling that bitch has a publicist) needs to call my ass because I just thought of an endorsement deal for her scrambled eggs brains client. Maybe those 14 kids won't starve to death after all!