Levi To Pose Sans Levis

The dumbest (and hottest) teenaged baby daddy in the game, Levi Johnston, is continuing his famewhoring ways and, unlike appearances on drag queen Tyra Bank's and geriatric pervert Larry King's talk shows, this is a some exposure I can get behind. Or in front of. Or on top of. Or under.....

Young Levi is set to pose in Playgirl. No word yet on whether he'll be totally nekkid but apparently his Alaskan ass is hitting the gym harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna to prepare for his close up. Delightful. No word on when we'll get to see Levi out of his Levis but the hotness is expected to happen before the end of the year. Merry Christmas!

Someone's Been Bassking in the Sun

Math time!

Chuck Bass + Plaid Shirt + Scruff + Tan = Jizz in my pants.

Several of my friends have emailed me to let me know how disgusting they think Chuck Bass is and say they are flummoxed over my attraction to him. C'mon, you gotta admit he does look good in these pics, no?

Larry Asks Levi About His Johnston Live

Sonofabitch!

The hottest teenaged baby daddy in the game was on Senile Grandpa Live last night and I missed that shit! Fuck my life. Thank Dog for youtube. I think I'm going to watch this mess on mute though because as we know, young Levi ain't exactly smart in the brains. He sure is pretty though. He got a purty mouth. Cue the dueling banjos in 3...2...1...



Like a perverted old man who drives a van with blacked-out windows and lots of candy in the glove compartment, Larry King asked hot Levi about sexin' his former GF Bristol Palin under her gun lovin' mama's roof;

"Where did sex occur in their house?," Larry asked, presumably while his wrinkled old peen rose to half mast (apologies for that visual)

Levi decided against indulging the old perv saying, "You know, Larry, that I'm a gentleman, you know. And I don't, you know, kiss and tell. So, you know, I don't think that really – that really matters." I wonder if they could see Russia from the room they were banging in?

Anyway, Levi went on to talk about hunting sheep (?) and said his recent appearances on Tyra, CBS Morning and now CNN have nothing to do with wanting to be famous, rather he just wants to have more access to his baby boy Tripp. Uh huh. When you say you're not going on TV just to be famous, it pretty much means you are, in fact, going on TV just to be famous. Also, show me a single, good-looking 19-year-old boy who really wants to spend more time with his unplanned baby and I'll show you a rainbow-coloured unicorn with diamonds for eyes.

That said, I've said it before and I still ain't proud of it but - I'd tap his famewhoring, sheep-shooting hot ass faster than you can say "bridge to nowhere." He's gotta lose that stash first and wear hazmat suit, I ain't gonna be the next baby mama for this rocks-for-brains boytoy. I'd say I'd fuck his brains out but well...yeah.

Click below for part of the interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjzaT3mNZTU

Levi Should Have Kept His Johnston In His Levis

Levi Johnston, that 18-year-old dude who knocked up Sarah Palin's teenaged daughter, Bristol, is continuing his media blitz, slamming the Palin family and trying to clear his family's name. I'm pretty sure nobody actually gives a fuck about his family or their name but young Levi here feels the need to appear on both the Tyra Banks show and CBS News to clear it. Whatevs. Levi says the biggest misconception about him is "Umm, probably that my family's white trash." Babydoll, if you're going on the Tyra Banks show to tell people you're not white trash, it pretty much means that you are in fact, white trash.

That and your name is Levi and your sister's name is Mercede. Not Mercedes even, Mercede. COUGHwhitetrashCOUGH.

Levi says Sarah Palin is lying out of her Tina Fey face about the fact that he and Bristol used to live together (and do sex to each other) under her roof. He says it happened, she says it didn't. Whatever. Levi also says that Palin and babymama Bristol won't let him spend much time with his infant son Tripp (these fucking names!) I'm sure he said more but I'm already bored.


So let's assess this sitch now, shall we? This baby has two teenagers for parents, an ultra conservative gun-loving Rebuplican famewhoring grandmother on one side and another grandmother awaiting trial for drug charges on the other. And did I mention his name is Tripp? Awesome.

That said, I'm not proud of it but.....



I would totally hit this. Hard.

He's hot in that 'dumb as a bag of hammers' kinda way. You know the type, where it's Shhhhhh the less talking, the better. The real stupid ones usually bring some good game, cause really, it's all they have to offer the world. As long as the talking is kept to an absolute minimum, it's all good.



I'm not really feeling this lil 'stache Levi is sporting here but I'd hit it nonetheless. With a condom. On birth control. Followed by a morning after pill with a vodka chaser and a tumble down the stairs for good measure. The dumb ones are always the most fertile (exhibit A: Kevin Federline) That's what someone really needed to teach Bristol Palin. It's perfectly okay to sleep with the stupid, pretty dudes but damn girl, you don't go having a kid with them! Hellz no.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life!