Levi Should Have Kept His Johnston In His Levis

Levi Johnston, that 18-year-old dude who knocked up Sarah Palin's teenaged daughter, Bristol, is continuing his media blitz, slamming the Palin family and trying to clear his family's name. I'm pretty sure nobody actually gives a fuck about his family or their name but young Levi here feels the need to appear on both the Tyra Banks show and CBS News to clear it. Whatevs. Levi says the biggest misconception about him is "Umm, probably that my family's white trash." Babydoll, if you're going on the Tyra Banks show to tell people you're not white trash, it pretty much means that you are in fact, white trash.

That and your name is Levi and your sister's name is Mercede. Not Mercedes even, Mercede. COUGHwhitetrashCOUGH.

Levi says Sarah Palin is lying out of her Tina Fey face about the fact that he and Bristol used to live together (and do sex to each other) under her roof. He says it happened, she says it didn't. Whatever. Levi also says that Palin and babymama Bristol won't let him spend much time with his infant son Tripp (these fucking names!) I'm sure he said more but I'm already bored.


So let's assess this sitch now, shall we? This baby has two teenagers for parents, an ultra conservative gun-loving Rebuplican famewhoring grandmother on one side and another grandmother awaiting trial for drug charges on the other. And did I mention his name is Tripp? Awesome.

That said, I'm not proud of it but.....



I would totally hit this. Hard.

He's hot in that 'dumb as a bag of hammers' kinda way. You know the type, where it's Shhhhhh the less talking, the better. The real stupid ones usually bring some good game, cause really, it's all they have to offer the world. As long as the talking is kept to an absolute minimum, it's all good.



I'm not really feeling this lil 'stache Levi is sporting here but I'd hit it nonetheless. With a condom. On birth control. Followed by a morning after pill with a vodka chaser and a tumble down the stairs for good measure. The dumb ones are always the most fertile (exhibit A: Kevin Federline) That's what someone really needed to teach Bristol Palin. It's perfectly okay to sleep with the stupid, pretty dudes but damn girl, you don't go having a kid with them! Hellz no.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life!