DO NOT EAT TURKEY DINNER AT THEIR HOUSE!

This is Jennifer Aniston on the New York set of her latest movie The Baster in which she plays a woman so desperate to have a baby that she gets artificially inseminated, only to discover the donor sperm came from her best friend, played by Jason Bateman. Hilarity likely does not ensue. Barf. I don't even think the hotness of Jason Bateman would be enough to lure my ass into the theatre for this shit. I would let Jason Bateman impregnate me but it would have to be the old-fashioned way, none of this turkey bastin' bullshit.

Anyway, life is imitating art somewhat with a recent case involving a lesbian couple in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Some bitch named Stephanie rolled home drunk one day, pinned her wife Jennifer on the couch and attacked her with a turkey baster filled with semen in an attempt to impregnate her. I am actually laughing out loud as I type this. It's crazy stories like this that make life worth living during those dark days, ya know? But wait, the crazy gets turned up to eleven - the baby batter in the baster came from the drunk bitch's brother. Ewwww. I'm an only child (aka spoiled brat) so I can't speak to the delicate intricacies of a sister/brother relationship but I'm pretty sure 'Hello brother, will you please jizz into this here turkey baster so I can forcibly impregnate my partner,' is not a sentence that should be exchanged between siblings. Anyway, Jennifer managed to escape Stephanie's drunk clutches and the baster of her brother's batter and lock herself in the bathroom only to have Stephanie break down the door (Cool! I've always wanted to break down a door Law & Order-style) Stephanie was obviously not to be messed with and pretty passionate about basting that bitch.

Police were called, they arrested Stephanie's crazy ass and siezed a container of her brother's man juices. Ewwwww. Jennifer did not press charges against Stephanie and the two are still together. Epic.

It's great these crazies were able to work it out but if you're friends with this couple, I'd strongly advice against eating a turkey dinner at their place ever again. Ever.