Daily Males: The "I Almost Believe In God" Edition

Though I have certainly called out his name in the midst of some rather heated activity (usually preceded with "oh my fucking..") I do NOT believe in God. Some would call me an atheist, I instead, refer to myself as a realist. However, this is not the forum for religious debate. But as firmly entrenched as my beliefs (or non-beliefs) may be, there is one thing, a calendar date, in fact, that could cause me to doubt my long-held position on the existence of God. And that date is today, January 14th.

January 14th is not only the day that the funny hotness that is Jason Bateman entered the world, it is also the day the orgasm for the ears, the reason I'd choose blindness over deafness - Caleb Followill was expelled from his mother's womb, instantly making this big, bad world a sexier, hornier place. To commemorate birthdays of these two masturbation material men, it's a Double Daily Male today. First up, Bateman. Oh how I'd like to bait this man...

Mmmmm.....a bearded Bateman. Beautiful....

A suited up Bateman suits me just fine....

That dimple! My heart just exploded. And by 'heart' I mean 'panties'.......

Math time! J-Bate has green eyes + I have green eyes = Our babies would have green eyes....

I don't know what's going on below, but I like it......

And now, time for the man whose voice is pure southern fried sex, the dirty kind that makes you blush just thinking about it, so dirty you aren't sure you can tell even your bestie about it - Caleb Followill. I'm not gonna lie to you, friends, I fired up KOL while downloading these pics and I had to pause to 'take care of business.' True story.

Is this is O face? I wish I knew...

This is the wallpaper on my mactop. Don't you just want to rip that shirt right off him? Yes....

Pump that gas Caleb, pump the shit out of it...

Sweaty. I like it....
Gah.....

Caleb Followill. Cake. That makes two things in this photo I want to put in my mouth....

I totally understand how that bottle of champers feels...

Development No Longer Arrested On Arrested Development Movie

Here's Jason Bateman this week at the premiere of his new film, Couples Retreat. The photo caption says that trick is his wife but clearly that's a mistake since that is not a picture of the two of us together. Interesting.

Seriously, how lovable is the Bateman? He's the kind of guy with whom you'd never have a one-night-stand because you want to date this guy, not just bang him (although obvi, you totes want to do that too) You want to go to dinner and movies with him, you want to bring him home to your parents, you want to eat brunch with him on a lovely Sunday afternoon, you want to spend the holidays with him, you want to spend a weekend in the mountains with him where you'd sip champagne by the fire and swap funny stories, and eventually you'd marry him in an expensive yet elegantly tasteful ceremony.

J-Bate was on the Ellen Degeneres show today where he confirmed an Arrested Development movie is in the works. Taste the happy! We already knew this was true but it's been quiet on the AD movie front lately so it's nice to get an update. I'd cry but I can't spare the moisture. Jason says the project is in the script stage and they hope to be on set by the middle of next year. Below is another picture of Jason Bateman. Just because.

Couples Retreat opens this weekend and was directed by this guy below. Does he look familiar?

It's Ralphie from A Christmas Story! I guess he didn't shoot his eye out with that Red Ryder BB Gun! Go Ralphie!!!!

I Want to Bait This Man

The offices of Details magazine are clearly are located inside the bowels of my warped mind. Last issue featured the hotness of Bradley Cooper on the cover (sitting in my kitchen as I type) 

Now editors have gifted me yet again by putting my TV husband Jason Bateman on the cover.


Shit, yo. Who needs an analyst or therapist or an analrapist when you have this to get you through the day? Cash is tight right now but there's always money in the banana stand so this magazine will be mine. Even if it means taking a chubby, I will suck it up. I just hope I don't get to the store before the issue hits newstands. I don't want to prematurely blow my load and what was supposed to be a dry run and then have quite a mess on my hands.

When this issue is out, you should pick it up, sit back with some hot ham water, or get a stew going and read up on the Bateman, maybe while drinking some juice. Juice? This party is gonna be off the hook!

In the mag, J-Bate talks about being a child star, going out of control with booze and blow in his late teens and 20s as well as the best thing of all....the status of an Arrested Development movie saying;

"We're gonna make the movie...Mitch Hurwitz is just starting to write it. It'll be out in a year and a half." 

Yessss!!!!!!! 

I'm so glad George Michael (not the singer/songwriter) stopped being such a punk ass bitch and signed on, I was beginning to think he got off on withholding but he's for sure, for sure on board. After all, there's no 'i' in 'Teamocil' at least not where you'd think. 

In celebration of this most glorious news, feast your eyes upon some of the delicious Bateman eye candy from Details;

Yeah, the guy in the $3000 suit is gonna hold the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months....COME ON!!

Uhm....what does it say about me that I'd rather read Details than like, Cosmo or Vogue? Am I a guy in the brains? I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it. My gut is telling me no, but my gut is also very hungry...

Thanks for reading this, I know there are many other blogs out there, like the Bob Loblaw Law Blog for instance.

Too Cute.

I'm not what you'd call a maternal woman. My motherly instincts lay somewhere between those of Andrea Yates and Susan Smith. That said, I feel weird things happening in my heart when I see this;



And this;



I don't like it. Make it stop!!!!

Sidenote: I would totally pull Paul Rudd's hair like that. But in an entirely different scenario.

DO NOT EAT TURKEY DINNER AT THEIR HOUSE!

This is Jennifer Aniston on the New York set of her latest movie The Baster in which she plays a woman so desperate to have a baby that she gets artificially inseminated, only to discover the donor sperm came from her best friend, played by Jason Bateman. Hilarity likely does not ensue. Barf. I don't even think the hotness of Jason Bateman would be enough to lure my ass into the theatre for this shit. I would let Jason Bateman impregnate me but it would have to be the old-fashioned way, none of this turkey bastin' bullshit.

Anyway, life is imitating art somewhat with a recent case involving a lesbian couple in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Some bitch named Stephanie rolled home drunk one day, pinned her wife Jennifer on the couch and attacked her with a turkey baster filled with semen in an attempt to impregnate her. I am actually laughing out loud as I type this. It's crazy stories like this that make life worth living during those dark days, ya know? But wait, the crazy gets turned up to eleven - the baby batter in the baster came from the drunk bitch's brother. Ewwww. I'm an only child (aka spoiled brat) so I can't speak to the delicate intricacies of a sister/brother relationship but I'm pretty sure 'Hello brother, will you please jizz into this here turkey baster so I can forcibly impregnate my partner,' is not a sentence that should be exchanged between siblings. Anyway, Jennifer managed to escape Stephanie's drunk clutches and the baster of her brother's batter and lock herself in the bathroom only to have Stephanie break down the door (Cool! I've always wanted to break down a door Law & Order-style) Stephanie was obviously not to be messed with and pretty passionate about basting that bitch.

Police were called, they arrested Stephanie's crazy ass and siezed a container of her brother's man juices. Ewwwww. Jennifer did not press charges against Stephanie and the two are still together. Epic.

It's great these crazies were able to work it out but if you're friends with this couple, I'd strongly advice against eating a turkey dinner at their place ever again. Ever.

I Love You, Men

Be still my cold, black heart. Several of my crushes gathered together at the I Love You, Man premiere in LA the other night. I'm quite sure my head would have exploded had I been there.

First up; Jason Bateman. All rough and tumble in a beard;

"Where’s Dirty Blonde?” “Oh, she’s just sharing a romantic horseback ride with Michael Bluth, and they’re dipping each other in...”Oh, you didn’t get any body chocolate?


Andy Samberg all dressed up. Is he headed to the Space Olympics?


"You're the best in the world....brace yourself cause there's no gravity. You're in the motherfucking Space Olympics!"

I'm not what you'd call an overly domestic woman but Paul Rudd's smile makes me want to bake cookies. Lots and lots of cookies. Then I'd put the cookies in decorative baskets adorned with a big red bow and jauntily skip through the neighbourhood in my 1950s-style poodle hoop skirt with chrinolin and I'd pass around cookies to my neighbours before coming home where Paul is waiting on our porch with a cool glass of lemonade.

The photo agency caption for this photo was clearly mistaken as it said "Paul Rudd and wife"


Look at this face! I gotta go, I've got cookies to bake!

Daily Male: Jason Bateman

A girlfriend recently texted me the following:

"I watched The Sweetest Thing the other day. You need to marry Jason Bateman."

Yes. Yes I do.

Because he's just so awesome and because he starred in Teen Wolf Too, or as my friend Scotty and I call it "Teen Wolf As Well" Jason Bateman is today's Daily Male.





I am not quite sure how I feel about this ensemble. I do know I have that strapless bra.



I would like to be the meat in this Bluth brother sandwich.


Vintage J-Bate