Dancing Ostrich

Look kids, it's a dancing bird! Dontcha just love the zoo?

Here's Paris Hilton dancing on a table at some nightclub. Have you ever seen this trick dance? Bitch seriously has no moves, all gangly arms and legs flailing about. She tries to make herself look sexy but she always looks completely and utterly ridic.

You know how some people think how one dances is an indication of the skill set he/she will bring to the bedroom? Not sure if that's always 100% the truth but in the case of this whore, I'd say it's a bang on theory. I mean, you've seen her sex tape right? Lame!

On a different note, this bulimic bird is almost 30 years old. Dancing on tables has an expiration date, no? I'm immature as fuck and even I know that. Paris will not age well. Mark my words.

Lindsay Bonehan

For less than a dollar a day you can keep this former actress from starving to death. For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you could help feed Lindsay Lohan.

Where the hell is Sally Struthers? THIS IS SOME CHRISTIAN CHILDREN'S FUND SHIT!!

Question; I'm TWICE as old as Bonehan's little sister, why do we look the same age? Oil of Olay and a good night's sleep. Look into it.

What? Coke Doesn't Provide Good Company?

Bag of bones Lindsay Lohan is in the latest issue of US Weekly, whining out of her spray tanned ass and crying cokey tears about her white trash breakup with peace sign flashing enthusiast, Samantha Ronson.



Lohan vomits to the magazine "I'm not a bad person and this is what happens...I was raised to treat people well, and I'm so tired of this drama." I know whenever I'm tired of the drama of my personal life, I like to cry to a national publication with millions of readers about said drama. Don't you? Whatever. 

Don't go all Justin Timberlake and cry this bitch a river just yet. Please know, she fucking loves it, lives for it. What else has she got going on? Bitch ain't making movies anymore.

Lindsay goes to moan about some party for Sam Ronson's sister this past weekend, a party from which her cokey ass was banned by security, calling it 'humiliating' and 'the worst night of her life.' Being kept out of a party was the worst night of her life? Were there cocaine-filled pinatas hanging from the ceiling? Lindsay says "I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie."

Speaking of, remember the awesomeness that was Mean Girls?


Interesting when you compare what's happened to the careers of Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams since, yes? Lohan was the big rising star back then while Rachel was an unknown. Now, while Lohan is hocking everything from leggings to spray tans in between rehab stays and DUI arrests, Rachel has kept her head down, nose clean and is making movies with the likes of Owen Wilson, Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law and Harrison Ford.

Pay attention kids; when you're marginally talented at best and are given a golden opportunity, one that others who are likely more talented and probably more deserving of would kill for, don't take a a big cokey diarrhea shit all over it. You might just end up in Hollywood's burn book.