Cruise Control

Tom: Sigh.I thought we talked about this, Kate. I like you better with short hair.

Katie: Yes, I know Tom but I feel prettier and more feminine with these extensions.

Tom: Kate, that is precisely why I don't like you with long hair. I like you androgynous, it makes it much easier to keep up this shammarriage. I'm not that good of an actor, you know.

Katie: Tell me about it.

Tom: And while we're at it, Kate, what is with the heels tonight? I specifically told you that when you are out with me, it's flats only.

Katie: I'm sorry but I just thought the heels went better with this dress.

Tom: You're acting like a common preclear thetan or even a suppressive person instead of the Operating Level V Thetan you are. Clearly the BrideBot 2000 we had installed in your brain is malfunctioning. As soon as we get home tonight we are hooking you up to the E-Meter and auditing your vessel.

Katie: Yes, Tom.....It's just that..

Tom: Quiet. Is that David Beckham over there?

It's Hard Out There for a Beard

Vanessa: You know, this charade has grown tiresome.

Zac: Just smile and gaze lovingly into my eyes. Our Disney contract specifically states you must lovingly gaze into my eyes at least four times during each public appearance. It's clause six amendment seven of the contract, don't make me pull it out and show you.

Vanessa: Oh honey, if you actually did pull it out every once in a while I'd be a lot happier pretending to be your girlfriend. Sigh.

Zac: Jesus Christ Vanessa give it a rest, Katie Holmes has been doing this for almost three years you don't hear her complaining.

Vanessa: You don't hear much from Katie Holmes the woman is a robot. There's no way I will...Wait a second, what's that I feel against my thigh. Zac? Hmmm....Hold on, Robert Pattinson just walked in, didn't he? Sigh.