Apparently gaydar is like George Clooney....It gets better with age.

I like to pride myself on having what I believe to be some pretty finely tuned gaydar. That said, I have been wrong on a couple of occasions. One incident stands out in particular;

Years ago, while I was still married, I was at a club with some girlfriends tearing up the dance floor when an attractive, young gentleman sidled up and started dancing with me. He had some pretty sweet moves for a white boy and he knew all the words to the top 40 dance gems of the day along with some 80s classics. We bonded over Michael Jackson and as we danced to Madonna I thought "look at this fabulous new friend I've made." My friend Scott had recently moved away and I was vulnerable and looking to fill the gaping hole in my soul his absence had created. After a few songs, my new friend offered to buy me a drink. I accepted because our impressive dance display had left me parched and also because I never turn down free vodka. We stood at the bar, chatting, drinking for a while and then he asked for my number. Without a second thought I found a scrap piece of paper and jotted down my digits. As I handed him the piece of paper, he noticed my wedding ring. His face grew confused as he looked from the ring, to my face and back to my ring. "Uhm...are you married?" he asked with a disgusted tone. "Uhm yeah," I replied wondering why this would pose a problem. And as he shook his head and walked away I suddenly realized "Oh, this dude is not gay. He doesn't want to fill the hole in my heart caused by Scotty's departure. He actually wants to, well, fill my hole."

But aside from an incident or two like this (and I still don't know if the aforementioned incident even counts because I stand by the belief that boy was gay, he just might not have known or accepted it yet) I think I can pick a homosexual out of a crowd (Vin Diesel I'm looking at you) So imagine my reaction recently when I randomly stumbled upon these old photos of George Michael....





WTF?!? How the hell was I, or any of us, surprised when George Michael confirmed he was gay? Shit Stevie Wonder was probably like "no shit he's gay you retards, even I can see that!"

It's Hard Out There for a Beard

Vanessa: You know, this charade has grown tiresome.

Zac: Just smile and gaze lovingly into my eyes. Our Disney contract specifically states you must lovingly gaze into my eyes at least four times during each public appearance. It's clause six amendment seven of the contract, don't make me pull it out and show you.

Vanessa: Oh honey, if you actually did pull it out every once in a while I'd be a lot happier pretending to be your girlfriend. Sigh.

Zac: Jesus Christ Vanessa give it a rest, Katie Holmes has been doing this for almost three years you don't hear her complaining.

Vanessa: You don't hear much from Katie Holmes the woman is a robot. There's no way I will...Wait a second, what's that I feel against my thigh. Zac? Hmmm....Hold on, Robert Pattinson just walked in, didn't he? Sigh.