To Pull Out or Not to Pull Out, That is The Question

Here's Jude Law returning to his theatre roots on the Broadway stage. 2004's Sexiest Man Alive is currently playing Hamlet. Because Jude Law is so pretty and looks smokin' in a pair of skinnies, it's easy to forget this bloke can actually act.

Jude's working hard for the money, starring in eight productions a week of this three-hour play until early December and his performances are getting mostly favourable reviews from critics. This is good news for Jude since he now has another mouth to feed.

You've probably heard how Jude bumped unprotected uglies in what was allegedly a one-night-stand with this trick above named Samantha Burke. Nine months later, Sam popped out a bouncing baby paycheck. In true Maury Povich-style, Jude demanded a paternity test which determined he was in fact, the father of the baby girl.

Now normally I'd advise anyone who gets knocked up after a one-night stand to make an appointment to have the problem 'taken care of.' But cases like this are the exception. I don't begrudge this lady one bit for carrying that kid to term, she was harvesting at least 18 years of regular monthly payments in that womb of hers! If I got knocked up by someone with a fat ass bank account like Jude's? Shit I'd be on bed rest the entire nine months to make sure nothing happened to my little cash cow, especially in these harsh times of economic uncertainty. You gotta diversify how you make money if you're gonna survive this shit! I raise a glass in your honour Sam, well done!

My issue is with Jude Law. Dude already has three kids with his ex-wife, why the shit would he put himself at risk of having to share even more of his benjamins. Wait, he's English, it is Elizabeths? Anyway, must I again quote the incomparable Dorothy Zbornak when I scream "CONDOMS, JUDE! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!" Jude needs to sit down with and listen to some sage advice from this guy....

Ain't none of his pucks getting past the goalie.