Best Dig That Likely Had Tom Cruise's Panties in a Knot

Tina Fey automatically renders everything awesome. She and Steve Martin had some nice chemistry and I loved their not-so-subtle dig at Scientology;

"Every tiny seed on Earth was placed here by the alien king Rondulay to foster our titrates and fuel our positive transfers.
Oh Steve, nobody wants to hear about our religion. That we made up."

Snap.

Joaquin Phoenix is.....DERELICTE!

Do you remember in the underrated cinematic gem that is Zoolander when Mugatu unveiled his new fashion line called Derelicte?

"Inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crackwhores that make this city so unique."

Methinks Joaquin Phoenix has watched Zoolander recently and taken that shit to heart. This is Joaquin last night at some club in Las Vegas looking more like a bum you'd find on a street corner yelling about Jesus than an Oscar-nominated actor.





"I am the vile spew of the wretched masses. I am very, very dirty. I am.....DERELICTE!"

Joaquin announced late last year that he is finished with acting and instead going to focus on a career in music. This didn't sound too batshit crazy at first, after all he did do all his own singing in Walk the Line. However, when Joaquin elaborated on the plan, explaining he was going to pursue a rap career. Well that, coupled with his disheveled and cracked out appearance as of late helped turned the crazy up to 11.



One of my Boston crushes, Casey Affleck was there last night as well. Casey and Joaquin are good friends, family in fact, Casey is married to Joaquin's sister. Casey is filming this insane downward spiral apparently for a documentary he plans to produce on his brother-in-law's foray into the rap world. I have mad love for Casey and he seems like a pretty normal dude so I can't believe he's not only standing by and watching these shenanigans but also encouraging them! I mean, even Stevie Wonder could see that Joaquin has lost his fucking mind. I am hoping that Casey is really filming this craziness to use as evidence later during an A&E-style intervention hosted by the Phoenix/Affleck familes (Phoenfleck? Affnix?) Casey can refer to the footage he collected while begging Joaquin to get his raggedy ass to rehab STAT! Casey isn't the only one documenting this ridiculousness, look at the others taking pictures of MC Derelicte as he's workin' the mic. You know they're all thinking they need to snap these photos so they can sell them later when Joaquin "Heath Ledgers it" outta here.



If Joaquin doesn't get his shit under control methinks he and his brother River are going to to be reunited sooner rather than later. Sad, because though I can't speak to his rap skillz, he is a very talented actor.

To bleach out your eyes from the hot homeless mess that is now Joaquin Phoenix, here's a shot of him in cleaner, hotter, saner and likely more sober times.

Got it Bad. Hot for Teacher

An appeals court in Washington state has ruled that it is not illegal for teachers to have sex with their students as long as the student is 18 years old. The decision stems from a case involving a 33-year-old Seattle teacher who was charged with first-degree sexual misconduct for allegedly nailing a student in 2006. The teacher argued that because the student was 18 when sexytimes happened, that she was not a minor and it was not illegal.

Okay, perhaps it wasn't illegal but it certainly was ten shades of gross. What kind of douchebag teacher nails a student? How fucking lame do you have to be that you can't find a chick your own age to bang and you have to use your classroom as a dating service? Yes, the girl was 18 and likely fully aware of what she was doing, it's not like he was preying on a 14-year-old girl but still, oh, so vomitous.

When I was in school, I knew nothing about my teachers. In my mind, their sole purpose in life was to show up every day and teach my ass. That's it. I knew nothing about their personal lives, as far as I was concerned, they didn't have them. Don't get me wrong, I had some great teachers who were inspirational, encouraging and made their mark in my life but we never even crossed the line into friendship, nevermind fuck buddies. (I'm talking junior high/high school here, we did go out for drinks with a couple of our teachers in college and even that was kinda weird to be honest)

And I think that's how it should be. Since facebook took over our lives I'm noticing something weird and disturbing; teachers who are facebook friends with their students. Not only that but I've seen teachers post photos of themselves drunk, or in bikinis with high school students commenting on the bikini-clad teacher with phrases like "Omigod, you're so hot." Am I on crazy pills or is this not totally inappropriate? I'm not saying teachers can't go out and get drunk and frolic in bikinis, hell I know there are some drunk pics on my page, but I'm not a teacher. Why do you want your students seeing this shit? One of my best girlfriends is a high school teacher and not only would she not entertain the idea of becoming facebook friends with her students, once they discovered her profile, she up and quit that shit immediately. Why would you even want to be facebook friends with your students in the first place? Don't you have enough real friends your own age? Why do you need the validation of some easily impressed 17-year-old telling you how awesome you are?

Call me Judge Judy but I think that shit is fucked.