I'm a shallow bitch. Let's just get that right out of the way, shall we? That said, what the fuck is with this trend on television over the past several years of pairing a fat husband with a hot wife who's way out of his league? In the last several years shows like King of Queens, According to Jim, Still Standing and Yes Dear all had something in common, they featured attractive women married to overweight, sloppy husbands. That and the shows sucked major ass. Okay, that's two things in common for you mathletes. Is this believable? Really? I'll even wade into the deep end of the pool for a moment and take appearance out of the equation, these women are still too good for the sad sacks to whom they're hitched. It would be one thing if the guy was carrying an extra 20, 30, 40 pounds but was intelligent, interesting, charming and an overall catch but for the most part, the husbands on these sitcoms were bumbling idiots, overgrown children who were constantly getting themselves into one retarded situation after another.
Most of these shitcoms are off the air now but the trent of fat husband, hot wife continues. One only has to look at commercials for proof. During the holidays there were a series of Staples commercials that had me wanting to shoot out the TV Elvis Presley-style. The ad featured a relatively attractive, seemingly intelligent woman and her fat ass husband telling us they decided to keep their Christmas shopping low-key this year and get each other modest gifts. The couple explains the wife still purchased the husband a pretty decent gift and then they show what the husband picked up for his wifey - a dancing Christmas tree. The way the husband acts while they're showcasing this stupid gift tells me that not only is he a fat ass, he's a dumbass as well. Seriously, the guy looks like he's mildly to moderately retarded. And this fat bastard (he's super overweight btw, not like 20 pounds overweight, I'm talking fat, like it's time to call Star Jones and ask for the name of her doctor, fat) is featured in yet another commercial, this one for the lottery. In the spot, his wife, a cute, petite blonde comes home to find her husband tattooing the logo for some low rent casino on his big, fat chest in the mirror. He turns around to reveal he's tattooed the logo on himself backwards. Something stinks about this and it ain't this dude's body odour. Again, would this cute, seemingly smart woman even look twice at this dolt in the street nevermind MARRY him? Was she under the influence of some insanely potent brand of psychotropic drugs? That is the only explanation for this match.
Don't get me wrong, I know appearance isn't EVERYTHING (in a relationship anyway, in a one-night-stand situation, it matters much more) Personally, I'd rather date someone who's somewhat attractive but who has a wicked sense of humour, is intelligent, ambitious, charming and caring than some dude is pretty but dumber than fuck (again, I'm talking relationships here, not hookups, for hookups, they can be stupider than a box of rocks for all I care since I imagine the only words exchanged will be "yes!" "harder!" and "so...can I call you a cab?") Frankly, I've always found someone hot can easily become less attractive if he's dumb, has no sense of humour or is an all-around douchebag. Conversely, if a guy is moderately attractive but features a host of other great qualities, he becomes better and better looking. Funny = Sexy. But the men on these sitcoms and commercials don't seem to possess any of these additional qualities. They're not funny or intelligent, they're fucking buffoons!
I realize these are actors I'm talking about and I wouldn't be so enraged about this trend if it went both ways, if, in the media we also saw really attractive men married to overweight, unattractive and stupid women. If we saw someone who looked like George Clooney in a relationship with someone who looked like Rosie O'Donnell. But we NEVER see that. NEVER. Instead, we see attractive men paired with equally, if not more attractive women. It's not fair and it suggests that women are so desperate to be paired up, to settle down and be married off that we'll settle for any man and frankly, it's insulting.
