Batman Blames John Connor for Going American Psycho on Terminator Set

Christian Bale is in the new issue of GQ mag talking about his career, his insane levels of commitment to his characters (anyone who has seen his skeletal ass in The Machinist knows dude doesn't fuck around) and of course talk turned to his infamous fuck-filled rant on the set of Terminator: Salvation during which he came pretty close to murdering the film's cinematographer and skull-fucking his lifeless corpse.

Bale says the outburst never would have happened if he hadn't been playing John Connor saying, "of course not. And it wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t been playing that scene, for Christ’s sake, between John Connor and his wife, which is probably the most intense one in the movie." He continues, "I’d definitely say that that guy who was yelling was at least half John Connor, and the rest was Christian Bale."

Bale also says he has heard the dance remix of his rant but not the amazing gem that is the mashup of his rant and David After Dentist. A damn shame, I say! If you're like Christian and you haven't yet seen the wonder of that mashup, click below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70r-Ca8wcVg

Below are some shots of Christian from inside the pages of GQ. I loves me some Bale but I gotta say I'm pretty over that facial hair of his. I guess you could say me and his facial are fucking done professionally.

Does E-mail Have a Cockblock Setting?

Recently, over a glass of wine and some relatively subpar sushi, one of my girlfriends and I discovered we had something interesting in common; we've both received emails from guys featuring a picture of their penis. In my friend's case, the email, or p-mail, came from someone with whom she was once involved. It'd been nearly two years since they were involved and a couple months since their last platonic contact. Then, one day, out of the clear blue sky, she receives a photo of his cock. How very Pete Wentz of him. But seriously, WTF? What kind of response was this supposed to illicit? Was she supposed to be reminded of its glory and try to get back with him? Or book a ticket and hop on a plane for a quickie? I don't really understand the point of this. Dude, she's already seen it and she seems to be doing just fine without it.

In my case, I hadn't even met the dude yet when he incorrectly decided it was socially acceptable to email me a photo of his schlong. I was like dude, fo reals? What was I supposed to do with this? I mean, other than forward it on to my friends. Was this supposed to make me want to go out with him? Have sex with him? Well, it had the exact opposite effect -hell to the no was that thing coming near me, I'm a petite girl and my idea of a pleasant evening does not end with me in the ER getting stitches 'down there.' But even if dude wasn't in possession of something that could do significant damage to my lady bits, my reaction to the gesture would have been the same; total turnoff.

First of all, what a stupid thing to do, it just reeks of a mixture of douche and retard, douchetard if you will. Second, and not everyone will agree with me here, but penises aren't particularly attractive to look at*. I mean, they serve a purpose for sure and don't get me wrong, I enjoy them but I don't exactly want to sit and look at them, ya know? It's like why I laugh at male strippers instead of getting turned on. I'd rather see a guy in jeans and a T-shirt or rocking a suit like nobody's business. I'll take those over cock shots any day of the week. And if you really want to turn me on, send me a photo of you doing my dishes or cleaning out my cat litter box.

*The exception is a young man from Boston named Tom. He was, as he told me himself, blessed. A douchey thing to say but a) he said it in his Boston accent which immediately rendered it awesome and b) he was right.

Spit it and I won't hit it

If I ruled the world (which is something I think about often) after making it mandatory for Justin Timberlake to sexually service me on a daily basis, my second order of business would be outlawing spitting.

Seriously, I hate spitters. Hate. How many times have you been walking down street and someone just horks one out right there on the sidewalk? Are you as disgusted by this as I am? Often, when someone spits near me, I'll say (in my 'outside voice' and full of contempt) "That's attractive." If someone I was dating spit while we were out and about, I would quit that shit right there. Spitting is a dealbreaker like smoking, or listening to Nickelback. Ew. Major ladybone killers.

If I was the HBIC (head bitch in charge) of Earth, I would make spitting a serious crime, like right up there with murder, rape and wearing Crocs. The first offense would be handled Singapore-style with a public caning. Second offense would result in being tied to a chair for 48 hours listening to Miley Cyrus songs while watching a Danny Bonaduce/Carrot Top ginger porno video. Offense number three would be punishable by death. Three strikes and you're out, bitches.

That said, I realize there are very rare circumstances where spitting is necessary, like in times of extreme congestion where your breathing is severely impaired by some sort of phlegm situation or if you're choking and about to peace out unless you spit out whatever it is on which you're choking. However, irrefutable evidence proving these claims would be required before the spitter in question was found not guilty. If you absolutely had to spit, then I must acquit - to put it Johnny Cochrane-style.

For me, the worst is girls who spit. Seriously. I realize I am not the poster girl for being ladylike, yes I have a horrible potty mouth and yes I was once discovered by a city cop drunk, pantsless and urinating in an alley (shut up, it was like ten years ago and YOU WILL NOT JUDGE ME!!) but I seriously draw the line at spitting. Just gross. Come on ladies, you're better than that!

And besides, every good girl knows it's just common courtesy to swallow.