What Have I, What Have I, What Have I Done to Deserve This?

That classic Pet Shop Boys song started playing in my head as soon as I heard Lisa Rinna and her busted ass hole lips were posing for Playboy. Bitch has a body to die for, I'll give her that but she also has a face that will kill you.

Well it's happened. Here are some of the pics......

I don't know if she's totally naked inside the mag and I'm not enough of a masochist to investigate for myself but if someone out there is more brave than I (or hates him/herself more) can you let me know? I'm dying to know if her other lips are as busted as the ones on her face.

Someone Poke Her Face. Please.

Or poke out my eyes.  Cause I'd rather be Steve Wondering it than look at this Lady GAGa mess.

This bitch has "try hard" written all over her. 

Take a Picture Trick! We're On a Boat, Bitch!

Katy Perry and Rihanna on a boat mother fucker don't you ever forget.

Are they drinking Santana champs cause it's so crisp? They've got their swim trunks, but where are their flippy floppies?

Where's T-Pain? Maybe he's ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit? I hope he's not at Kinkos straight flippin' copies.

Daily Male: Hugh Jackman

Here's Hugh Jackman (why do I always say Huge Ackman in my head? Cause I'm 15) leaving his handprints outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Hugh is having a good time of it lately. X Men Origins: Wolverine opens soon....

He hosted the Oscars earlier this year......

He was named Sexiest Man Alive late last year....

And now for the highest honour to be bestowed upon him, Hugh Jackman (hee!) is today's Daily Male...

Guess Which Product These Ads Make Me NOT Want To Buy?

Here are some shots from the Guess spring/summer '09 campaign.

I didn't know Guess was now selling nasty blonde Fraggle hair and herpes. Wow, they're really diversifying their product line.

That poor dog in that first pic, situated right near Parisite's cavernous vagina like that. Someone call PETA before he is sucked into the abyss. His expression says it all, right? Poor thing is like "fuck my life."

Speaking of, have you been to that site?  http://www.fmylife.com/

Lindsay Bonehan

For less than a dollar a day you can keep this former actress from starving to death. For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you could help feed Lindsay Lohan.

Where the hell is Sally Struthers? THIS IS SOME CHRISTIAN CHILDREN'S FUND SHIT!!

Question; I'm TWICE as old as Bonehan's little sister, why do we look the same age? Oil of Olay and a good night's sleep. Look into it.

Bono Jovi

Here's Bill Clinton and Bono Jovi at something called the "Can Do Awards" in NYC.

It's weird seeing your childhood and teenaged crushes get older before your eyes. I wanted nothing more than to be Mrs. Bon Jovi when I was in grade six. Faced with the knowledge this wasn't going to happen, I instead married my fellow classmate Patrick Fey in a schoolyard ceremony. It didn't last the year. This would not be the last wrong trip down the aisle I would take. That schoolyard shit is a fuck of a lot easier to undo though. Trust.

As for Mr. Hewson, all I can say is bitch better BRING IT when U2 plays the Rogers Centre in Toronto in September because I was brutally raped by Ticketbastard for my ticket. I have a wicked seat but that shit did not come cheap.

Speaking of concerts and coming. If there are spelling mistakes up in here, blame the Followill brother cousins because I am still reeling from the sex bomb that was last night's Kings of Leon show...



Amazing show. From the beginning riffs of Crawl to Caleb's wildcat screams in Charmer until the final notes of Black Thumbnail, the boys were relentless. By the time they got to Knocked Up in the encore, I'm pretty sure I was. And you know what? I'm going papa don't preach on this shit and keepin' mah baby.

If you live in Vancouver, Edmonton or my old stomping grounds of Calgary, KOL is headed your way this summer. Tickets go on sale this week! Go Nike on this one and JUST DO IT.

Chester French do Jimmy Fallon

I've mentioned my Boston boyfriends Chester French here before - http://dirtyblondeshavemorefun.blogspot.com/2009/04/beantown-sounds.html

Their new album Love the Future dropped today....



Pick that shit up! The Harvard cuties, D.A. Wallach and Max Drummey will be on Jimmy Fallon tonight. I'm gonna watch that shit after tonight's Kings of Leon show. Southern sex bombs followed by my boys from Beantown? A good night, a good night indeed. If I don't post tomorrow, it's cause I died. From too much awesome. It can happen. True story.

The Hills Are Alive with Nasty Denim and Flesh Beards

Here's useless twats Heidi and Spencer out and about in LA. Apparently these famewhores are getting married this weekend. I can't pretend to care. What's really on my mind is deciding what's nastier, Spencer's flesh-toned beard or Heidi's denim one piece? A tossup indeed.

When I first laid eyes on Heidi's ensemble, I immediately thought of this denim atrocity from yesteryear...


Christ, it still pains me to look at this mess, even all these years later. What in Levis factory vomit hell was he thinking? This reminds me of why I used to have such an intense hate on for JT, before I was justified and lovestoned. I must look away now, the tears are starting to come and if they start, they won't stop. Let's try and forget this heinous monstrosity by bleaching out our eyes with this....


Aah. Much better. Speaking of JT, the new reality show he exec produced premieres on MTV tonight. It's called On The Phone and no, it doesn't feature Russell Crowe throwing phones at hotel clerks for money, unfortch. Instead it features contestants getting a call on their cell offering the chance to participate in crazy ass antics for a 50 thousand dollar prize. I'd do it. Times are tough, I'd do anything for money. But that's another story for another day. Click below for a hot and bespectabled JT offering up a quick and dirty explanation of On the Phone;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B19Kd_6Mx0

And don't forget JT is hosting SNL for a third time on May 9th. Set your PVRs and get ready to jizz.in.your.pants. As I mentioned before, Ciara is the musical guest so you know she and JT are going to perform Love Sex Magic. Click below for the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTYT-SiZeFo

Daily Male: Scott Speedman

Here's Scott Speedman at Coachella over the weekend sporting some Ray Bans along with my late old aunt Irene's straw hat. Even in that geriatric headwear, the Speedman is still a hot piece. I've interviewed Scott Speedman twice on red carpets, one for a film for which he was doing press, the other for a party. During the latter he seemed a bit out of it and when I asked him a question, he responded with "I don't know, I'm just here to get drunk." Aah...a man after my own heart, that Scott Speedman!

Speeds is easy to forget, he makes small, unassuming films and the bigger movies he makes I don't see cause well, I have a vagina and I don't give two shits about vampires or werewolves and whatever else is in those Underworld movies. Underappreciated hotness is what Speedman is. Time for some Canadian content up in this bitch! Scott Speedman is today's Daily Male.

Mmmm manly. In the pic below he looks all hot and sweaty, like he just came inside from building me a new deck, Which would be weird since I live in a high rise but, whatevs....


Short hair, long hair, clean shaven or scruff, one thing remains the same; this dude rocks the shit out of a plaid shirt. Exhibits A-D are below, your honour;

Mr. Jonze and Me

Awwww. Here's Spike Jonze with Michelle Williams and her daughter Matilda.

Apparently, as previously evidenced here - http://dirtyblondeshavemorefun.blogspot.com/2009/04/too-cute.html

an effective way to melt my cold ice block of a heart is to show me a picture of a cute kid sitting on its dad's shoulders. Or in this case, dad-like figure since Matilda Ledger's actual dad peaced out more than a year ago and having her on his shoulders would just be more creepy than cute. Although with possible comedy potential -Weekend at Heath's anyone? Remember Weekend at Bernie's? I can't believe there was a sequel to that crapfest. Hi, it's called rigor mortis and decomposition and that shit starts to set in within hours. I watch Law & Order, I know these things!

Anyway, Spike Jonze has been a busy guy as of late. He's directed a film adaptation of the popular children's book Where the Wild Things Are which is set for release in October. The trailer started making the rounds about two weeks ago. Click below if you haven't already seen it. It features the wicked Arcade Fire song Wake Up and if you listen closely you'll catch Tony Soprano voicing one of the monsters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOkQ4dYVaM&feature=related

Spike, who is responsible for some of the greatest music videos ever, is also teaming up again with Kanye West for the video for his song See You In My Nightmares. The guys say it will be more like a short film than a video. I expect nothing less from the self-described VOICE OF A GENERATION. We'd all be SQUID BRAINS to expect anything less. The collabo marks the second time Kanye and Spike have teamed up. Jonze directed the Flashing Lights video from Kanye's previous album. Click below for a refresher. Beating the fuck out of someone with a shovel has never looked so sexy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEccxPPwXmI

Douchechella

The Coachella Music Festival went down in California this weekend and while it would have been awesome to check out acts like The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Lupe Fiasco, Leonard Cohen, M.I.A, TV on the Radio and others, one has to wonder if it would have been worth the risk of placing oneself in the proximity of such rampant douchebaggery....

Please tell me someone soaked that cigggie in gasoline right before this...

That woman is mighty brave kissing The Hoff like that. This must be before he downed a bottle of vodka and inevitable burger barf bonanza...

Jared Leto? Hi. Yeah, uhm... Joaquin Phoenix called, he wants his beard back...

This Issue of Rolling Stone is On Fire

The current issue of Rolling Stone should really be wrapped in a paper bag at the newstands because it is as pornographic as any Penthouse or Hustler. Seriously, Larry Flynt ain't got nothing on this this shit. The Southern hotness that is Kings of Leon grace the cover and inside is an in-depth interview where the guys talk about their humble beginnings as sons (and nephew) of a preacher man, their current status as the 'it' band of the moment and about boozing, touring and favourite sex positions. That sound you just heard was my head exploding.

The guys offer the mag a tour inside their respective Nashville homes. Below are some shots of Caleb's lair.

Go to rollingstone.com for more KOL porn including pics of the Followill boys as youngsters and behind-the-scenes video hotness.

Kings of Leon play the ACC Tuesday night. Because Ticketmaster (aka Ticketbastard) is the thieving, despicable, monopoly and evil empire that it is, I paid dearly for my tickets on Craig's List. I was sodomized for sure (sans reach around) but at least the Craig's List killer didn't murder my ass. Meeting my maker before hearing Caleb's pure sex voice sing babymaking jams like Charmer, Knocked Up, Closer, Taper Jean Girl, Crawl and of course, Sex on Fire would have been nothing short of tragic. I hope I don't get pregnant at the show. I'll get the rusty coat hanger ready just in case. A girl's gotta be prepared.

Save Ferris

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

To this day, Ferris Bueller's Day Off remains one of my favourite movies of all time. I saw that shit in the theatre when I was eight or nine years old (and a million times since) and I immediately fell in love. I too wanted to be as cool as Ferris, with his ability to con, charm and weasel his way into getting what he wanted. Whether it be convincing Cameron to let him borrow his dad's prized 1961 Ferrari GT 250 ('He never even drives it, he just rubs it with a diaper') making the 'snooty' Maitre D' at Chez Louis believe he was Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago, or somehow ending up on a parade float belting out the Wayne Newton classic, Danke Schoen, not to mention that cool keyboard that made cough, sneeze and barf sounds, Ferris was the coolest. To quote the aforementioned Cameron Frye, "Ferris Bueller you're my hero." Shit I even named my cat after the awesomeness that was Ferris. So it's with a heavy heart that I've been watching Ferris turn from supercool school skipper (9 times!) into this...

Le sigh. I see not everyone has attended the George Clooney School of Getting Better With Age. Or maybe he did but took too many days off?

Somewhere Edward R. Rooney, dean of students, is having the last laugh.

What Time Is It? Time to Eat

Here's Lindsay Lohan at some launch event for A/X watches. I don't know exactly where this event was held but my first guess is Auschwitz.

Daily Male: Ben Affleck

I love Ben Affleck. I want to hang out with Ben Affleck. In Boston. He seems laid back and like he'd be super cool to grab a beer with and hit up a Red Sox game. That said, I realize he's made some truly awful films over the years. Pearl Harbor, Reindeer Games, Surviving Christmas, Gigli, the list reads like a who's who of cinematic abortions. But as heinous as those films were, and they were indeed, heinous, nothing, NOTHING compares to the atrocity that was the Jenny From The Block video. Seeing JLo parade Ben around like some play toy was cringeworthy. It was like watching a man have his testicles removed right in front of my eyes. Ben and I had to go on somewhat of a break during his JLo phase, it was just too tragic to watch. Being married to Jennifer Garner is probably about as exciting as watching paint dry (egg shell white of course, to keep it extra boring) but I'll take that shit any day over the monstrosity that is JLo and her mammoth and utterly misplaced ego. I'm so glad Ben finally found his balls at the bottom of her purse.

Ben Affleck's new film, State of Play, opens tomorrow. It costars phone thrower Russell Crowe, Canadian cutie Rachel McAdams and the amazing Helen Mirren and it looks like it has the potential to not suck a big bag of donkey balls. So for that, and because he's from Boston and because the long time friendship of Ben and Matt Damon remains one of my favourite bromances of all time, Ben Affleck is today's Daily Male.








Click below to hop into the DeLorean and travel back in time to a truly adorable moment in Oscar history. Ben and Matt winning for Good Will Hunting;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8RIS5GJqAg

Click here for the ridiculous and star-studded I'm Fucking Ben Affleck;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_pFTAY7MF8

And if you're a real masochist, click here for Jenny From The Block. Still after all these years, I cringe;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcyyzIvVKow