Swallow the Juice of Justin

Here's JT over the weekend at Tenjune in NYC for the launch of his new tequila, 901. If you're wondering what the significance of 901 is, it's the area code of Justin's hometown, Memphis, Tennessee. I think he should have called it 911 because that's the number that would need to be dialed if I drank too much of this product. Seriously, tequila is evil. An evil temptress.

Daily Male: Jason Mraz

When Jason Mraz hit the scene in 2003 with his awesome track, The Remedy, I was like, 'just who is this cutie patootie? This less douchey version of John Mayer?' Then I kinda forgot about him. Until earlier this year. I'm sure you've heard his latest song, I'm Yours? Looooves it. Welcome back Mr. A to Z. Jason Mraz knows how to rock the shit out of a hat and he's also today's Daily Male. 








Apparently Mr. Mraz adheres to a strict raw food diet consisting mostly of vegetables. These pictures of him below have me reaching for a cucumber.

File Under 'Shit We Already Knew,' Carrie Prejean is a Stupid Fucking Bitch

As we all know, Miss California has been stripped of her title for refusing to live up to the contractual obligations that came with her totally useless title. Methinks this isn't the first time this trick has been stripped of something. Clothes and dignity are the first things that come to my mind.

Of course Carrie claims she's being punished for her antiquated stance on same sex marriage for her firing telling Access Hollywood, "none of this would be happening right now if I just said 'yeah, gays should get married. You're right Perez Hilton.' " I would have been cool with her saying that, everything but the 'you're right, Perez Hilton' part because dude is a major league douchebag. Seriously, he's not even in the minors anymore, douche turned fucking pro. Anyway, pageant officials maintain it was Carrie's lack of cooperation that saw her fired and leaked emails between her and Miss California executive director Keith Lewis not only prove bitch was uncooperative but that she's also fucking dumber than a box of rocks. Not that we didn't already suspect that with her enlightened views on 'opposite marriage.'

Below is a mind numbingly frustrating email exchange between Carrie and the aforementioned Keith Lewis leaked to Fox News in which dude suggests she take a meeting at the Style Network. Not only does bitch not understand why or what he's talking about (though it's CLEARLY outlined in the email) bitch gets hostile for no apparent reason, accuses the pageant of trying to make money of her appearances (uhm...isn't that the point?) Then she gets crazy enraged, accusing the pageant of not wanting her to volunteer with the Special Olympics when CLEARLY dude is asking for some contact information so he can arrange said volunteer opportunity through the proper channels, in an official capacity. Are we sure she wasn't asked to compete rather than volunteer? Are Dumbassedry and Cuntiness now events at the Special Olympics? If so, fire up the Star Spangled Banner, cause we got a double gold medal winner on our hands here.

Read the email exchanges below. Or just put your genitals in a vice, it's probably less painful.

From: "Keith Lewis"Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 07:19:18 -0700To: Carrie PrejeanSubject: FW: Messages

Carrie,

The Style Network has asked to schedule a general meeting. Generals in the entertainment field are an opportunity for casting and producing executives to gain a better understanding of a potential talents range and demeanor in order to consider them for future projects. They are done without a specific agenda. I have had great success with my actors who have taken generals and would suggest you give it strong consideration. You never know where it may lead and sometimes they develop entire shows around you. The following days are available to meet with them here in LA. Please let me know as soon as possible if any of them work for you.

Best regards,

Keith Lewis

From: cprejeanXXXXSent: Friday, May 29, 2009 7:38 AMTo: Keith LewisSubject: Re: Messages

What is this for?

From: "Keith Lewis"Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 07:43:45 -0700To: Subject: RE: Messages

Carrie,

It is for a general meeting – please see the explanation below.

Best regards,

Keith Lewis

From: cprejeanXXXXSent: Friday, May 29, 2009 7:42 AMTo: Keith LewisSubject: Re: Messages

Just as you need details for things so do I. Also nice move trying to make money off of my appearances Also.. Do not try and silence me by saying I do not have a comment about the prop 8 ruling. Maybe you don't. I do

From: "Keith Lewis"Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 07:49:07 -0700To: Subject: RE: Messages

Carrie,

I have given you the details completely. Perhaps it is not something you would like to partake in, either way, you can let me know and I will respond to them today.

Best regards,

Keith Lewis

From: cprejeanXXXXSent: Friday, May 29, 2009 7:40 AMTo: Keith LewisSubject: Re: Messages

I expect you to be forwarding me ALL email requests and interview requests to me. I know how you are and its not right if you are selecting things for me. Thanks for your cooperation And fyi I am a presenter of medals at the special olympics in a few weeks for the summer games. So now u know I am doing this and I expect your full support. Also I was asked to fill in for a dj on a local radio show.. Ill be reading from a show biz script monday. I am doing this

From: "Keith Lewis"Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 08:01:35 -0700To: Subject: RE: Messages

Carrie,

As we have discussed, there is proper protocol and we have not waived our rights in any way to your contract. I am happy to try and facilitate the request. Please forward over the information along with the proper contact and we will try and confirm the appearance right away.

Best regards,

Keith Lewis

From: cprejeanXXXXSent: Friday, May 29, 2009 7:57 AMTo: Keith LewisSubject: Re: Messages

You do not cooperate with me, and you pick and chose the the things YOU want me to do. That is not happening anymore. Stop speaking for me. I have MY own voice. What are u gonna do fire me for volunteering for the special olympics hahaha ur crazy No I am doing this appearance. You do not need details. Its for the SPECIAL OLYMPICS!!! You just need to know I will be doing it alright

You will not facilitate this appearance

You can take your genitals out of the vice now. I enjoy how this bitch not only lacks very basic reading and comprehension skills, but the fundamentals of English as well. Hello Carrie, I'd like you to introduce you to my old friends period and comma. Use them. Also, bonus points for the misuse of the word 'facilitate.' I love when a dumbass busts out what he/she thinks is a five dollar word and then proceeds to use it incorrectly. And I'm sorry but using shit like 'ur' instead of 'you're' in a business-related email is just one of the hundreds of pieces of mounting evidence that society is going to shit. This ain't texting, bitch, spell out your words! A part of me died inside reading these emails. Methinks instead of paying for her titty implants, the Miss California pageant should have paid for a brain implant because clearly, CJ here is working without one. Allow me to quote Judge Judith Sheindlin when I say 'beauty fades, dumb is forever.' (speaking of dumb, why is my font all fucked? Argh!)

I cannot imagine the herculean amounts of restraint it must have taken for Keith Lewis not to write back telling this self-entitled, illiterate retard to gently fuck herself with a chainsaw. I can't say I'd show the same restraint if faced with such a stupid fucking twat. Somebody nominate this motherfucker for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Spotted: Another Jonas Brother?

Uhm...are the Jonas Brothers like the Baldwin Brothers? Just when you think you've seen them all, along comes another one, only less talented and not as good-looking as the one before?

Wait, what? This is Gossip Girl's insufferable Dan Humphrey? My bad. Buddy? I know what you're trying to do here, it ain't workin' When it comes to this look you need to do what OctoMom should have done and abort. Or better - just not attempted this fuckery in the first place.

This is The Best Mickey Rourke Has Looked In Years

Around Oscar time earlier this year I was obsessed with all things Mickey Rourke - his mangled mug confused me,  his wardrobe choices intrigued me, his hair frightened me, his devotion to his dogs melted the ice block in my chest that was once my heart. When his beloved Loki died, I felt MickRo's pain and salty liquid fell from my eyes (these are 'tears' I'm told) When Mickey's tragedy was compounded just days later by losing the Oscar to Sean Penn, I too felt the pang of injustice, striking me in my chest like a Bon Jovi-style shot through the heart.  I wanted to protest, to take to the streets, to start some kind of letter-writing campaign, perhaps a 1960's-style sit-in? But then, like most of my obsessions, I got over it and moved on. Until now...

Above is the first shot of MickRo from the set of Iron Man 2. Look how glorious he looks! The Mickster plays Whiplash, an adversary of Tony Stark, played of course by the getting hotter with age hotness that is Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man 2 opens May 7th 2010. RDJ and Mickey Rourke in one film? It may prove to be too much.

Bono & The Edge Have Spidey Senses

As you may/may not know, Paul Hewson and David Evans from U2 are composing the lyrics and music for the upcoming Spiderman music Turn Off The Dark which debuts on Braodway in February of next year.

The Edge says the guys were drawn to the project because they see similarities between themselves and Peter Parker saying, "Every rock and roll star probably started out as the geek who got bullied in school and eventually their form of revenge was to write songs or learn to play guitar." Click below to watch the interview with Bono and The Edge:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKouxN7SaUM&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Erollingstone%2Ecom%2Frockdaily%2Findex%2Ephp%2F2009%2F06%2F10%2Fu2s%2Dbono%2Dand%2Dthe%2Dedge%2Dtalk%2Dspider%2Dman%2Dmusical%2F&feature=player_embedded

This isn't their first foray into the comic superhero world, remember the song they contributed to the Batman Forever soundtrack, Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me? Still love that song. And the video. Click here to stroll down memory lane - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGFU1E5HZ6c

Turn Off The Dark opens on Broadway on February 18th, tickets go on sale September 12th. 

Confession time: I've never seen any of the Spiderman films. Not one. I'm told they are good, particularly the second one but I just can't do it. I cannot get past my totally irrational dislike of Tobey Maguire. I just can't buy him as a superhero, even one who's supposed to be on the nerdy side. Tobey's face just looks so...Down Syndromey, ya know? I call him Corky Maguire. Oh, and if you're wondering, yes I am going to hell and I'm pretty okay with that. See ya there!

I Bet Bradley Cooped Her

Here's Bradley Cooper and Heather Graham at The Hangover premiere in London earlier today. Anyone else getting a 'they've totally banged' vibe from them like I am? Of course this means Heather Graham is now public enemy number one, my arch nemesis. Nah, I ain't mad at her, I wouldn't blame her for Hangin' With Mr. Cooper. Naked. If I had access to the Coop, he'd be the Rihanna to my Chris Brown which is to say I'd hit that. Hard. If the Coop was in my circle, a restraining order would have to be filed at some point and even that would not deter me because we all know a restraining order is just another way of saying 'I love you,' right?

As predicted, The Hangover was the number one movie in North America this past weekend and plans are in the works for a sequel. I saw it for the second time and laughed just as much as the first, particularly when Ed Helms vomits right at the breakfast table and then nearly spews again after the mere mention of Jagermeister. Since just hours previously I had a vodka vomit in a Shell station, I empathized. Also, anyone else officially in platonic, non-sexual love with Zach Galifianakis? I totally want him to add me to his wolf pack. Together we'll roam Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. I just hope he doesn't put any roofies or floories or groundies or rapies in my drink!

I Don't Think This is What Pai Mei Had In Mind

 

I'm back from Vancouver after an overnight, sleepless flight, seeing Dane Cook live (again?) a gas station vomit and a near-fight in Whistler (seriously, some twat knocked my vodka soda right out of my hand on the dance floor then gave me snooty look and turned away. Uhm...excuse me? Knocking my vodka to the ground is like throwing my child to the floor. An apology at the very least would have been nice. I wanted to lay down some 2010 Olympic-style bitchslaps on her whoreface but because I am a refined lady,  settled instead for throwing some serious elbows on that dance floor. Bitch.)

Anyway, I see I didn't miss too much while I was gone but David Carradine peaced outta here, presumably whilst masturbating. I don't think this is what Pai Mei had in mind when he developed the five point palm exploding heart technique. Dude straight up pulled a Michael Hutchence on us! Except, in Hutch's defense, choking out yourself while choking your chicken at least has a slight modicum of rock star coolness. Kinda sorta. David Carradine is a grandfather! Could you imagine? How did you Grandpa die? Oh he masturbated with a belt around his neck! Embarrassing! I think dudes who feel the need to combine masturbation and strangulation (masturlation?) need to treat that shit like weightlifting; have a spotter!

Programming Note

S'up bitches! For the three, possibly four of you lovely sluts who read this, I won't be posting for several days because my ass is headed to Vancouver to hang out with some fabulous bitches and eat so much sushi, I be puttin' Jeremy Piven to shame, yo. If posting doesn't resume on Tuesday or Wednesday, it's because I've died of alcohol poisoning, have been arrested or am working East Hastings, or maybe all three. Have a great weekend you whores and see The Hangover. I am. Again. Also, the chances of me having an actual hangover at some point this weekend are somewhere in between sure as shit and guaran-ass-teed.

Daily Male: Jeremy Piven

I've been watching the shit out of old episodes of Entourage online. I love this show. Between my love of this show, Old School and The Hangover, I'm pretty sure I'm actually a 21-year-old dude inside a 31-year-old woman's body. Actually, if there was a 21-year-old dude inside this 31-year-old woman's body there would be much more of a spring in my step if you're picking up what I'm putting down. But I digress, back to Entourage. Obvie, Vince brings some eye candy but my love is all for Ari. I love the way he walks and talks on his celly. He means business! Also, Jeremy Piven - any fool who loves and eats sushi so much that he uses the overconsumption of said sushi as an excuse to back out of a play is okay in my books. My books are colourful and pop-up, y'all. So let's hug out bitch and make Jeremy Piven today's Daily Male.

Time to Experience The Hangover

The Hangover opens this weekend! Are you going to see it? If not, why? Do you not like laughter? Are you allergic to joy? 

Above is the cast at the movie's LA premiere. Just look at Bradley Cooper rocking the shit out of that grey suit with that glorious head of hair. The Hangover is going to take the Coops to the next level. Trust. We will be seeing a lot of him and that is kool n' the gang with me!

Below is Bradley and Heather Graham at the premiere after party. Look at his white teeth! I bet they are made from grounded up unicorn horns sprinkled with heavenly angel dust. 

I Needed More JT

Because Justin Timberlake and Andy Sambo are such good buddies, I expected Mr. JT to show up on last night's MTV Movie Awards. He appeared only in a quick cameo in the cold open so to fulfill the need for JT porn, here are some shots of him out and about in LA last night with his girlfriend whose photo I could not be bothered to post.  

Pretty Girls

Here's Zac Efron and Sasha Baron Cohen as Bruno backstage at last night's MTV Movie Awards. When a flaming twink dressed as an angel looks more masculine than you, it's really time to pick up the scissors, no?

Andy Samberg Needs To Host Everything From Now On

Did you watch the MTV Movie Awards? MTV award shows, both movie and music video, have been steadily sucking more and more donkey balls as the years have gone on. I try to tell myself this is not because I'm getting older and further away from the MTV demographic (because frankly, I'm very immature) but because they actually suck. But last night MTV was back on its game and it's mostly because of this man...

Andy was the perfect host. From the cold open during which he ended up naked in a limo with Justin Timberlake (weird, I just had that dream the other night!) to his opening song featuring Cameron Diaz dancing and Fred Armisen getting an intervention, to the amazing duet with 'Neil Diamond' about how cool guys don't look at explosions, Andy was on fire. Did you hear when he introduced High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens as the girl from the brave documentary about an all gay high school? Heh. Andy Samberg should host everything everywhere from now on. MTV should seriously toss his salad because Sambo saved the show from major suckage. But speaking of suckage, was anyone else annoyed as fuck as the black box MTV Canada had up in the bottom corner of the screen featuring twitters and tweets or whatever the fuck? WTF? Yeah, MTV Canada, I don't want to see everything that's happening on the stage, I'd much rather look at retarded ramblings like "OMG, Zac Efron is like, sooooo haaawwwwt!" Between that and the completely unwatchable cut ins they did from the MTV Canada studio, yikes! Did you see that episode of 30 Rock where Steve Martin and Tina Fey watch MTV Canada and Steve Martin says something to the effect of 'they just can't get anything right up there can they?' Word. 

Here are some of the notable moments from last night...


How amazing was it when Bruno floated out above the crowd only to land with his bare ass right in Eminem's face? Epic. We were laughing our faces off watching this spectacle. Everyone on the internet has been getting their panties in a knot about Eminem storming out in a rage, wondering if it was real or staged. Puhlease people, of course it was staged. Still funny as hell, though. I cannot wait to see the Bruno movie. In the meantime, click below to watch last night's glorious moment, hopefully it won't be pulled down by Viacom, not sure if they're as Gestapo-like as the Nazi Broadcasting Corporation.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9gc0k_bruno-and-eminem-get-intimate-mtv-m_shortfilms

No surprise, Twilight swept all the awards for which it was nominated. I'm not a pimply 12-year-old girl waiting for her period to finally come so yeah, I don't care.



The medley of songs from Andy's legendary SNL Digital Shorts almost brought a tear to my eye. Right before this started up, I said to my friends "could you imagine if there was a medley?" and then as if Sambo himself heard my prayers, this hilarity ensued. Oscar winner Forest Whitaker singing Dick in a Box? Amazing.


Ugh. Shut the fuck up, Miley Virus. Of course this backwoods hillbilly thanked God in her speech. Honey, the fact that your annoying ass not only exists but makes more money in a day than I will make in my life is only further proof that God does not, in fact, exist.


Okay, Efron these man bangs of yours are getting right out of control. If they get any longer they're going to cover your eyes and then how will you be able to check out all the cute boys? Seriously though, cut your fucking hair! Maybe he should get the same amazing cut as that Jon and Kate Plus 8 beast woman? Nah, that's way too butch for young Zac.


Gah! Kings of Leon! These guys sound so amazing live unlike many, many other 'musicians.' If you're in Calgary, Edmonton or Vancouver, I hope you're seeing them this summer, you will not be disappointed. Let's look at Caleb now, shall we?


Sigh. My loins are on fire.


Speaking of loins on fire, how hot is Chris Pine? My ass really needs to see Star Trek. I cannot believe I just wrote that.


The guys from The Hangover presented. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you HAVE to see The Hangover when it opens this weekend. Epic.

At the beginning of the show, Andy said the musical stylings of Keyboard Cat would play off anyone whose speech ran long. I was looking forward to it but it never happened so because this post is getting too long, take it away Keyboard Cat....

Holy Shirt! It's Ryan Gosling!

The Gosling in NYC. I can forgive this holy shirt he's sporting with the jeans he's rocking. He wears it well.

More Flowers for Brandon

Killers frontman Brandon Flowers and his wife recently had unprotected sex and are now expecting a second baby. They already have a two-year-old son. I don't really care about any of this but it's a nice excuse to post this hot picture of Mr. Flowers.

My Lust for Levi Gives Me the 501 Blues

On Wednesday I posted a preview from the GQ photo spread featuring the hottest and dumbest teenaged babby daddy in the game, Levi Johnston;

http://dirtyblondeshavemorefun.blogspot.com/2009/05/levi-in-just-his-levis.html

Now the rest of the photos have been released. Am I the only one who's totally attracted to this backwoods hillbilly? What the hell is wrong with me? Until I can figure that shit out here's some more shirtless Levi action...



This is Levi and his sister Mercede. Nope, not Mercedes, Mercede. Jesus Christ the names on these rednecks. Oh, and am I wrong or is Mercede not totally eyefucking her brother here? You know she has his name tattooed on her wrist? Yeah, something ain't right between these two.