Rear View

I have no reason for posting this other than it's George Clooney's ass and that, my girls and gays, is reason enough.

Nice Stroke

Here's Mr. JT knocking his balls around at Chelsea Piers in NYC yesterday.

Then below last night all suited up at some kind of Cartier anniversary event I'm too lazy to look up. Dayum! This dude knows how to rock a body and a suit.


Hello Professor Timberlake, is there anything I could do to convince you do turn that C+ into an A? Anything?

Top Gun Just Got Even More Gay

Just when you thought the homoerotic love story that is Top Gun couldn't get any more gay, along comes this news; Kelly McGillis is lesbian! Or as Blanche from Golden Girls would calls it, "Lebanese" Wasn't Danny Thomas one? Anyway, sorry dudes if she was your 80's crush, Kelly is a card carrying member of Vagina Enthusiasts of America. That's not a real club but if it was, Tom Cruise would not be a member.

Kelly's been married twice, to men, but is over that shit, saying “I'm done with the man thing. I did that, I need to move on in life. That’s another part of being true to yourself...that’s been a challenge for me personally." She added "I learned everything I needed to know about living in the closet from Tom Cruise." Okay, that's a lie, she didn't say that last part.

Kelly is currently single but looking for lady love. If shit doesn't pick up for me soon, I will be too. Call me, Kelly.

Anyway, it's a few years old but in case you haven't seen it, click below for a recut of the Top Gun trailer, turning it into the love story that we know it really was. If you have already seen it, it's worth another look;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekXxi9IKZSA

I'm So Seeing This

When my dear friend Scotty recently sent me the trailer for a movie called The Hangover, my first thought was to lawyer the fuck up because clearly, someone had made a film about my life story without first obtaining the proper rights. I've had some legendary hangovers in my day. Epic. The fact that I still drink is a testament to either my tenacity or my extreme, almost dangerous levels of stupidity. A mix of both I'd say.

A particularly epic hangover came after a night of karaoke a few years ago in Calgary. That night I was convinced the bartender was trying to pull a fast one on my ass by not actually putting any vodka in my vodka sodas. I drank and drank and drank but felt nothing. Until the next morning. I felt something, alright. NEVER have I had a headache so raging, at one point I think I even lost my sense of sight. Given the choice between a) suffering from that pain along with the 12-hour long vomit extravaganza that ripped apart my insides, robbing my battered body of every last ounce of bile, and b) a swift death, I would have picked the sweet relief of death. Without hesitation. To make matters worse, I was leaving the next day for the Schindler's List 10th anniversary event in LA and because I had not seen the film since it was in theatres (not really one of those feel good movies you watch over and over again, is it?) I knew I had to watch it before I left. So for three hours of my painful odyssey of self-destruction, I had to watch that happy movie. I know this makes me a total asshole but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to feeling jealousy at some points during those three hours. That is just how badly I wanted to be dead. I would have greeted Amon Goeth with a hug and said "what took your Nazi ass so long?"

Anyway, I could fill an entire book with my hangover horror stories but instead, click below to watch the trailer for The Hangover. It's directed by Todd Philips who also made one of my favourite and most quotable movies, Old School. Seriously, click on this shit below, it looks SOOOO funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OligCf4SyYE

Standouts:

Did I lose a tooth?

Whose baby is that?

You were in the hospital last night!

I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust!

Mike Tyson air drumming. But dude, that IS fo sho the BEST part of In the Air Tonight. It ALWAYS makes me wish I was a drummer.

When did Bradley Cooper get so hawt? Delish!

The Hangover. June 5th. I'm there.

Daily Male: Mark Ronson

Musicians and facial hair aficionados ZZ Top once said "every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man."

Word. I may not agree with them when it comes to coiffure, but I must concur with ZZ Top.

Music producer Mark Ronson was recently named Britain's Best Dressed Man by the UK GQ. Before that, he was featured in American GQ's Most Stylish Men issue (the same one featuring my love, JT and CAPS LOCK LOVER Kanye West) You only have to take a look at the eye candy below to see just why. Mark Ronson is today's Daily Male;

Mark isn't just a pretty face and a clothes horse, of course. The 33-year-old has also produced tracks on some of the most successful (and some of my favourite) albums to come out the last several years including Amy Winehouse's Back to Black, Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics and Lily Allen's Alright Still.

Mark isn't the only Ronson family member in this business of show..,

His one sister Charlotte is a fashion designer, his other, Charlotte's twin Samantha is a celebrity DJ and of course, former girlfriend to trainwreck Lindsay Lohan. Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan? Man, this dude's had to deal with some cracked out bitches!

Mark's mom Anne Dexter-Jones (above) is a British socialite and was married, until recently, to Foreigner's Mick Jones. Mark himself was previously engaged to the ridic gorge Rashida Jones, actress and daughter of Quincy and actress Peggy Lipton.

I'm guessing Mark and Rashida couldn't get married because their collective awesomeness would have caused the world to implode.

Why is it the nasty tricks like Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton putting out sex tapes? I would have forked over some benjis to watch those two. Dayum.

If you need more Ronson fix, click below for his song Oh My God featuring Lily Allen. Oh my God indeed Mark, Oh my God indeed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYb9pkJqZf4

Basstastic

Here's Chuck Bass all suited up at the BAFTA television awards in London over the weekend.

I have no real reason for posting this other than to say DAYUM! Chuck Bass cleans up niiiice. Why then, do I feel so very, very dirty? Not even a Silkwood shower could cleanse these thoughts.

For those of you who still don't see the Chuck Bass appeal. Check out the video below. It's peeps from Grazia magazine quizzing the Bass on his fashion knowledge. Turns out, in real life he's not quite the fashion plate as his character. Who gives a shit? That accent is some off the charts hotness right there. Click below for an audio orgasm and try to ignore the fact that whoever is taping this is apparently having a fucking seizure. Shaking, much? It's like Michael J. Fox is working the camera. I can't hate though, I'd be shaking too if I was that close to the Bass;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9CGmixvzo&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fjezebel%2Ecom%2F5229997%2Fed%2Dwestwick%2Dis%2Ddecidedly%2Dnot%2Dchuck%2Dbass%3Fautoplay%3Dtrue&feature=player_embedded

All Aboard!

It's great to see Ozzy Ozbourne tootling about on his bicycle and staying active. Ozzy is 60 years old but with all the booze and drugs he's punished his body with over the years, he's actually closer to 80 in rock star years. So it's especially impressive that he's biking it through NYC.

Oh wait...this is Mary Kate Olsen.

Nevermind.

THIS IS SOME REVERSE BENJAMIN BUTTON SHIT!!

I Don't Feel The Need. The Need for Creed.

File this under; News I am not welcoming With Arms Wide Open.

Creed is getting back together.

Um...who exactly has been clamouring for this?

Thank You For Being a Friend, Dorothy.

As a longtime Golden Girls enthusiast, it was with sadness and surprise yesterday that I learned Bea Arthur aka Dorothy Zbornak had peaced outta here. The news came down as I was enjoying several delicious Ceasars on a rooftop patio. You know you're at a table with a bunch of girls and gays when the news of Dorothy Zbornak dying is met with gasps, screams of "NO!" and talk of an emergency Golden Girls marathon. Bea Arthur died at home at the age of 86, many people (myself included) didn't realize she had been battling cancer.

As a child of the 80s, to me Bea Arthur will always and forever be the quick-witted, no-nonsense tough old broad, Dorothy Zbornak, but her career began long before the ladies set up house in Miami. Bea got her start in theatre, appearing in many Broadway and off Broadway productions, even winning a Tony award in 1966 for her role in a production of Mame. Bea had guest starred and appeared on several television shows when, in 1971 she landed the role of Maude, Edith Bunker's cousin on All in the Family. The appearance was to be nothing more than a short stint but when the dynamic between the liberal Maude and the ultra conservative Archie Bunker proved to be so popular, Bea, and Maude, got their own show which hit the airwaves in 1972.



Maude would be the first of two All in the Family spinoffs, the second being of course, The Jeffersons. But before George and Weezie were movin' on up to the east side and their deluxe apartment in the sky, Maude was making groundbreaking television. First, after losing one husband and divorcing two others, Maude was on her fourth husband, a rarity in the early '70s. But even more ahead of its time, in the show's first season, when confronted with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy at the age of 47, Maude made the controversial decision to have an abortion. She was the first television character to do so and the episode aired months before the landmark Roe vs. Wade ruling gave U.S. women nationwide the right to choose. The storyline earned the show a mountain of hate mail and two CBS affiliates pussied out and refused to air the episode. But in true Maude-style, Bea never backed down and continued to defend her character's decision until her dying days. Whatever your stance on abortion, Bea's commitment to her principals should be admired, especially in today's climate where fear of offending a middle American fan base or jeopardizing corporate sponsorships keeps many public figures from taking any stance at all. Perhaps not a bad thing when you take a look at the no-talent dumbassedness passing for celebrity these days, it's unlikely they have anything to offer in form of interesting opinions.

In 1978, after several years on the air, Maude took a dive in the ratings. An overhaul of the show was in the works until Bea Arthur said fuck this shit and bailed. She thought the show had run its course and wasn't interested in taking desperate measures to keep fans and the network happy. This of course was not the last television audiences saw of this feisty old broad. 1985 marked the premiere of Golden Girls, created by Susan Harris who had written the controversial abortion episode of Maude. 



Golden Girls was original in that its main characters were all previously married, single again through either death or divorce and all passed their 'prime.' The show won many accolades and awards for its accurate portrayal of older women and the way it dealt with many issues including aging, sexuality, homosexuality and interracial couples. It was also a really funny show. I could fill an entire novel with the many things I loved and continue to love about Golden Girls but tops on my long list is the unwavering friendship between the women. Long before the ladies of Sex and the City bonded over cosmos and Manolo Blahniks, Golden Girls explored the dynamics of female friendship. The ladies didn't always get along, didn't always see eye to eye but always managed to work that shit out and no problem was too big that it couldn't be solved over a late night plate of cheesecake. We should all be so lucky to have such kick ass friends. Thankfully, I do. I remember three years ago when my friend Susan was getting married, she gave us bridesmaids a photo album she had made featuring pictures of us throughout the years. On each page was a lyric from the Golden Girls theme song, "Thank you for being a friend, traveled down the road and back again, your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidante..." I died when I received it. SO awesome.

One has to wonder whether, in today's glossy and youth-obsessed culture, if a show like Golden Girls would even make it to air, never mind be the success that it was. Methinks no. But we'll always have the DVDs. In our current world, where having rich parents and sucking cock on camera (and poorly yet)  is enough to get your stupid ass not one, but several television shows, bitches like Bea Arthur and her funny, tough, smart and take-no-shit characters will be sorely missed. 


We can only hope that wherever this fierce broad is now, it's as pleasant as a sunny Miami day and there's an endless supply of cheesecake. Somewhere in heaven, Ma aka Sophia Petrillo aka the equally hilarious Estelle Getty has been reunited with her Pussycat (Ma's pet name for Dorothy) Dorothy's death means only two of our Golden Girls remain, Rose Nylund and Blanche Hollingsworth Deveraux aka Betty White and Rue McClanahan. Betty White released a statement yesterday saying "I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that. She was such a big part of my life." Mine too Rose, mine too.

Below is one of my many favourite moments from Golden Girls. The ladies are shopping, picking up some last minute items in preparation for a cruise with their gentleman suitors when they decide to purchase condoms and hilarity ensues. CONDOMS Rose! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kOewRGhtx8

RIP Bea Arthur

1922 - 2009

Fire Woman

In the spirit of oversharing, I'm sure I can safely say that we've all experienced Fire Ass at one point in our lives. You know, the really nasty diarrhea poo that is so potent and violent that it like, makes your bum hole burn real bad (you're welcome for this imagery, btw)

Years ago I had a party at my house which quickly devolved into people eating ridiculous shit like cat food for money. My friend's dad sucked back an entire tube of wasabi for $100. As I stood there in shock and awe watching (and taking photos) I thought "wow, that man is going to have some serious Fire Ass tomorrow." I don't know if he did or not but I do know that Pink had the misfortune of experiencing Fire Ass in concert...




Seriously. I love Pink but WTF?

Kids on Shoulders Strikes Again

Hugh Jackman and his daughter at Disneyland.

Damnit! All these Hollywood DILFs have got to stop wearing their kids on their shoulders like this cause it's super cute and it's chipping away at the giant ice block that is my heart. Upside, I can put those falling ice chunks into my glass of vodka/water. Yes, I think I'm graduating from vodka sodas to vodka waters. Paging the producers of A&E Intervention in 3...2...1

Sidenote; Speaking of A&E Intervention, please, PLEASE PLEASE watch this super short, yet AWESOME remix of one of their best.episodes.ever featuring Alison who is addicted to computer duster. Seriously. Watch the shit out of this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdnLBddzOtk

If you laughed as hard as I did, which was REALLY fucking hard, I'll see you in hell!

H-E-I-N-O-U-S

She's wearing a sparkly Hefty bag as a dress (recycley!) but this is still the best Fergie has looked in years. I don't want to say bitch has a busted face but...well, I guess I just did.

P.S. Has anyone heard the new Black Eyed Peas song Boom Boom Pow? Does the following lyric bother the fuck out of anyone else like it does me?

"I'm so 2008, you're so two thousand and late."

Uhm...It's 2009

Editor's Note: My friend tells me the lyric is actually "I'm so 3008." Whatever. Still a stupid song.

Someone's Been Bassking in the Sun

Math time!

Chuck Bass + Plaid Shirt + Scruff + Tan = Jizz in my pants.

Several of my friends have emailed me to let me know how disgusting they think Chuck Bass is and say they are flummoxed over my attraction to him. C'mon, you gotta admit he does look good in these pics, no?

Daily Male: Simon Rex

Remember Simon Rex? He used to a be a VJ on MTV back in the day. Before that, he was the star of such arthouse films as "Young, Hard and Solo 2" and "Young, Hard and Solo 3." Yep, Sexy Rexy starred in jack-off films when he was young, dumb and full of..well, you know.

I haven't seen the aforementioned films, mostly because I can't seem to find the first installment in the Young, Hard and Solo franchise and I fear if I jump in with the sequel, I'll be lost and unable to follow what is sure to be an elaborate storyline full of delicate intricacies and plot twists. I am a pervert though so I found some stills on the interwebs and let me just say that Mr. Rex has an impressive body of work. That alone is enough to make him today's Daily Male. However, Rexy once dated Paris Hilton so he is to be looked at, not touched. NO TOUCHING!






These days when Sexy Rexy isn't appearing in the odd movie (clothed, unfortch) he's making mad beats and droppin sick rhymes as L.A. rapper Dirt Nasty. I've seen him perform and I'm not gonna front you on this shit, I liked it.



D-Nast is also part of the group Dyslexic Speedreaders with Mickey Avalon (who is disgusting as fuck but who I love and have seen twice) and Andre Legacy. They have a song called My Dick. I enjoy it. "My dick plays on the double feature screen, your dick went straight to DVD." Clevs.



Click below for Dirt Nasty's videos for Droppin' Names and 1980. The second one features Dirt Nasty doing coke with Alf. If that's not enough to convince you to watch, we're probably not friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTu6VAIHE24

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfNluQ888g4

Where Everybody Knows His Name

It's BEN AFFLECK all suited up on the set of his latest movie, Company Men in his hometown of Boston.

Yo, JD/RS, when are we hitting up Beantown? There's an Affleck in town, we need to pahk our cahs in Hahvahd Yahd. We'd be retahded not to, it's gonna be wicked awesome.

Larry Asks Levi About His Johnston Live

Sonofabitch!

The hottest teenaged baby daddy in the game was on Senile Grandpa Live last night and I missed that shit! Fuck my life. Thank Dog for youtube. I think I'm going to watch this mess on mute though because as we know, young Levi ain't exactly smart in the brains. He sure is pretty though. He got a purty mouth. Cue the dueling banjos in 3...2...1...



Like a perverted old man who drives a van with blacked-out windows and lots of candy in the glove compartment, Larry King asked hot Levi about sexin' his former GF Bristol Palin under her gun lovin' mama's roof;

"Where did sex occur in their house?," Larry asked, presumably while his wrinkled old peen rose to half mast (apologies for that visual)

Levi decided against indulging the old perv saying, "You know, Larry, that I'm a gentleman, you know. And I don't, you know, kiss and tell. So, you know, I don't think that really – that really matters." I wonder if they could see Russia from the room they were banging in?

Anyway, Levi went on to talk about hunting sheep (?) and said his recent appearances on Tyra, CBS Morning and now CNN have nothing to do with wanting to be famous, rather he just wants to have more access to his baby boy Tripp. Uh huh. When you say you're not going on TV just to be famous, it pretty much means you are, in fact, going on TV just to be famous. Also, show me a single, good-looking 19-year-old boy who really wants to spend more time with his unplanned baby and I'll show you a rainbow-coloured unicorn with diamonds for eyes.

That said, I've said it before and I still ain't proud of it but - I'd tap his famewhoring, sheep-shooting hot ass faster than you can say "bridge to nowhere." He's gotta lose that stash first and wear hazmat suit, I ain't gonna be the next baby mama for this rocks-for-brains boytoy. I'd say I'd fuck his brains out but well...yeah.

Click below for part of the interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjzaT3mNZTU

Bada ba ba ba I'm NOT Lovin' It

For like, five hot minutes this week there was talk that my love, JT had finally broken free from the shehulk clutches of Jessica Bile. And those five minutes, much like my boy Blue, were GLORIOUS.

Then these photos emerged from Tuesday night's Lakers game and shot that all to hell. Cry me a river, indeed..