The universe is clearly testing me today.
First, after a shitty ass sleep caused by a combination of late night vodka sodas and rain pounding the fuck out of my windows, I'm walking to work in a pouring miserable fucking monsoon only to have my umbrella turn inside out, snap in half and then fly away. I actually screamed. I'm sure my fellow pedestrians appreciated it. So now I'm sitting at my desk, wet and grouchy as fuck, stewing in rage only to come across this shit.
Miley and Billy Ray Virus at the Hannah Montana movie premiere last night. Good God, I would sell one of my vital organs just for the opportunity to punch her in the face. Just look at it. So smug, just begging for my fist.
And clearly, the douche apple does not fall far from the douche tree. Could you imagine if this was your father? I used to get embarrassed when I was a teenager my dad would try and be funny when my friends came over. He would tell typical 'dad jokes' and then laugh at his own aforementioned dad jokes and I would be mortified. I could not even fathom having this fool as my father, with his blown-out, flat ironed hair and worst of all, that fucking soul patch. A soul patch!? I would die.
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