Does E-mail Have a Cockblock Setting?

Recently, over a glass of wine and some relatively subpar sushi, one of my girlfriends and I discovered we had something interesting in common; we've both received emails from guys featuring a picture of their penis. In my friend's case, the email, or p-mail, came from someone with whom she was once involved. It'd been nearly two years since they were involved and a couple months since their last platonic contact. Then, one day, out of the clear blue sky, she receives a photo of his cock. How very Pete Wentz of him. But seriously, WTF? What kind of response was this supposed to illicit? Was she supposed to be reminded of its glory and try to get back with him? Or book a ticket and hop on a plane for a quickie? I don't really understand the point of this. Dude, she's already seen it and she seems to be doing just fine without it.

In my case, I hadn't even met the dude yet when he incorrectly decided it was socially acceptable to email me a photo of his schlong. I was like dude, fo reals? What was I supposed to do with this? I mean, other than forward it on to my friends. Was this supposed to make me want to go out with him? Have sex with him? Well, it had the exact opposite effect -hell to the no was that thing coming near me, I'm a petite girl and my idea of a pleasant evening does not end with me in the ER getting stitches 'down there.' But even if dude wasn't in possession of something that could do significant damage to my lady bits, my reaction to the gesture would have been the same; total turnoff.

First of all, what a stupid thing to do, it just reeks of a mixture of douche and retard, douchetard if you will. Second, and not everyone will agree with me here, but penises aren't particularly attractive to look at*. I mean, they serve a purpose for sure and don't get me wrong, I enjoy them but I don't exactly want to sit and look at them, ya know? It's like why I laugh at male strippers instead of getting turned on. I'd rather see a guy in jeans and a T-shirt or rocking a suit like nobody's business. I'll take those over cock shots any day of the week. And if you really want to turn me on, send me a photo of you doing my dishes or cleaning out my cat litter box.

*The exception is a young man from Boston named Tom. He was, as he told me himself, blessed. A douchey thing to say but a) he said it in his Boston accent which immediately rendered it awesome and b) he was right.