It's Just Justin? I Don't Think So, No.

Every girl's worst nightmare - running into your ex with his new bitch when you look like a steaming pile of hot shit.

Tabloid reports say Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, who used to rub their private parts together, ran into each other this week in what was a bit of an awkward sitch. Apparently JT was out dining with his she hulk, Jessica Biel when Britters and her mama walked in. Jessica apparently looked good while Britney looked a hot mess (quelle surprise!) Witnesses say Justin and Jess slumped down in their seats and avoided eye contact and Brit eventually quit that bitch after half an hour and left. Do I believe this story? I don't know and I don't care but these shenanigans got me thinking.

Britney Spears has never been the same since JT quit her ass years ago. Look back and you will see that's when the trouble began. She was once the world's biggest pop star and spank bank material for guys everywhere. In a few short years she devolved into a baby-making, douche-marrying, head-shaving, Red Bull-swilling, Cheeto fiend who nailed one of her own stalkarazzi and had to be strapped to a gurney. And you know what? I can't blame her.

If JT peen was a regular part of my diet and then that shit suddenly disappeared, I can't say I wouldn't also go crazier than a shithouse rat. Last year, while enjoying our second Justin Timberlake concert in two nights, one of my girlfriends and I decided that having regular sexytimes with JT unceremoniously taken away from you would probably be worse than never having had aforementioned sexytimes with JT at all. We decided it would probably akin to a slow, painful death, like you'd just slowly, but surely rot from the inside out and become a shell of your former self until you eventually slink off and die somewhere like an old dog. We'd go down fighting though, we'd chain ourselves to JT like he was a dilapidated old heritage building and we were preservationists in the final hour before the wrecking ball came a swingin'



I haven't always had a girl boner for Justin Timberlake. In fact, I used to be quite revolted by him during the N Sync days. I thought he held all the sex appeal of Corky Thatcher, which is to say none at all (unless you're in to that, I don't judge) But several months after his first solo album was released I was, well, justified. I remember the day clear as can be, I was driving and the justification hit me so hard that I was forced to pull over and collect myself. I haven't been the same since.

So I can only imagine what Britney has endured. Let's take trip down memory lane and remember the good 'ol days now, shall we? Come along!

Oh look how happy Britters looks here. That hat. Remember that's how we knew the chick in the Cry Me a River video was totes based on Brit, cause she was sporting this hat. Yes, it is sad that I know this.



See? Britney did, at one time, consume more than Cheetos, Red Bull, Caramel Frappucinos and smokes. Pre-JT breakup of course.



At a charity basketball game. Adorable. Stinky and Pinky, eh? There's a shocker joke in there somewhere.




Sweet Fancy Moses! A Levis factory barfed all over them. I am now reminded why I once detested Justin Timberlake. Hold me mommy for I am frightened, very, very frightened.



Wow.
I must now bleach out my eyes with this...dance for me you sex monkey!!!