Blonde. It's Not For Everyone.

Here's Matt Damon on the set of some movie, the title of which I'm too lazy to look up. As you can see the role calls for Matt to have blonde hair. Me no likey.



Blonde is not for everyone. I have naturally blonde hair. When I was a little kid, it was crazy blonde, almost white. Both my parents are brunette. If I didn't have my dad's eyes I'd say there were some serious mailman shenanigans going on in the late '70s. Over the years, slowly, but surely it's darkened to a very boring dishwater dirty blonde, forcing me to get highlights cause it's just so fucking boring.



This winter I decided to mix this shit up Scarlet Johannson-style and dye it dark brown. I liked it but that shit faded crazy fast, I had to do it three times in the span of three months. Not cost effective in these harsh economic times. Last night I went to salon and asked for a few blonde highlights to slowly transition this bitch back to blonde for summer time fun. Easy, right? Wrong....

Apparently I have some sort of disorder where as soon as I walk into a salon I lose any and all ability to effectively communicate in English, because while I swear I said 'a few blonde highlights,' apparently 'please throw an entire bottle of some weird caramel blonde hair dye all over my head in a very random fashion,' is what actually came out of my mouth. It is not good, my friends.

Last night I was struggling to describe to my friend Susan just how atrocious my hair looks. Then it came to me, three words - Brenda fucking Walsh. Remember on the first season of Beverly Hills 90210 when Brenda dyed her hair that montrous blonde to try and fit in with the California girls? I am Brenda Walsh. Skip to the :56 mark in the clip to see what is on my head right now. Awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_AyKCCr40I

Blonde. It's not for everybody. Myself included, apparently.