Recently, one of my girlfriends, TK told me she was pretty damn sure the husband in a couple she is friends with was "Mr. and Mrs. Smithing it" aka cheating on his wife with a woman at work. Ah, banging the coworker, does it get any more cliche? I guess banging the nanny? I rate banging the coworker an A+ for douchebaggery, F for originality.
Anyway ,TK asked me if I thought she should tell wifey. My advice was no. Without having any hardcore proof he was having an affair, she ran the risk of destroying her friendship with this woman. The messenger often takes the bullet in a sitch like this. Plus, TK's husband works with the suspected cheater and telling the wife could make TK's husband's work life awkward. In my opinion, it's not worth blabbing unless the wife is a SUPER close friend, like in your top three friends. If not, leave that shit alone because you're just inviting drama into your own life and chances are the wife will eventually figure that shit out for herself. Then, just a week after TK sought my advice, the situation seems to have resolved itself....
Turns out husband, who works for a telecommunications company, was calling and sending his whore such an obscene amount of text messages on her company cell phone from his company cell phone that it raised a red flag at their company. Husband was unable to explain the insane amount of communication with his whore (to whom he was a superior) and guess what? Husband's cheating ass got straight up fired. Days later, whore's ass was canned too. Nice work assholes. Such a great economy in which to be out of work! And dude's got two small kids. I'm slow clapping for him right now.
This incident got me thinking and I believe it calls for another installment of The More You Know.
My last The More You Know warned of the hidden dangers of one-night stands, http://dirtyblondeshavemorefun.blogspot.com/2009/01/one-night-stands-are-dangerous.html
Today's installment offers some sage advice for cheaters on how not to get your ass caught.
Pay attention kids, class is in session....
Technology is not your friend. Well, it's more like your frenemy. While offering a great way to keep in touch with your whore, it can also lead to your downfall. Technology is to cheaters as unbridled enthusiasm was to Billy Mumphry. Has your ass never seen an episode of Law & Order or CSI? Everything is traceable. If you're going to email/text your whore about how much you love her/are thinking about her, delete that shit. Think it's gone? Wrong. Delete that shit out of the deleted items box. C'mon now, this is amateur shit, I'm technotarded and I know this much is true.
Second, you know that game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Well you need to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon the fuck outta EVERYONE you know. Okay, your whore knows Sally and while Sally might not know your wife but did you know Sally knows Molly who knows Mary who does know your wife?
Map that shit out. People talk.
And that brings me to my third tip; never underestimate how much people love to gossip.
Think your male friends don't gossip? Wrong. Having a penis does not render one unable to gossip. In fact some dudes I know gossip like a bunch of little bitches. So if your guy friends suspect something is up, don't count on them to keep that shit quiet, they could blab, even unintentionally. Do your guy friends genuinely like your wife? Not good. Even an off-hand comment like "what's the deal with so-and-so?" can start the wheels of your downfall in motion.
Fourth, think before going out in public. If you take your whore to a hockey game, for example, who might see you there? Will that person tell your wife? Chances are, yes.
And my final tip for not getting caught cheating.............
Uhm, how about you just, I dunno..not cheat?
And that my lovelies, wraps up another installment of The More You Know. Until next time!
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