Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Fresca Fizzes About Raw Deal on Sushi Date With Ari Gold

Some broad is mouthing off to Steppin' Out magazine about what she calls her worst.date.ever - with Jeremy Piven.



Simona Fusco (below) complains that the Piv brought his douche game on a recent sushi date. First of all, what is Jeremy "I dropped out of my Broadway play because of sushi-induced mercury poisoning" doing going out for sushi? Oh yeah, he's full of shit. And apparently, sushi.



Anyway, Fusco (I really want to say Fresca) has this to say about the Piv, “he thinks he’s all that. I read an article yesterday that he left a sushi restaurant waiter a photograph of himself as a tip." Wow. Jeremy really does go out for sushi a lot. I'm feeling this. If this recession wasn't raping every orafus of my body, I would eat sushi for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Colin Farrell-style. Wait, bad example.

Anyway, Fresca continues, “He took me out but he didn’t try to win my heart. He just tried to get me very tipsy on sake. He just kept refilling the sake. I like to have my sake, but he was only interested in sex." Uhm, hon, why are you surprised? Jeremy Piven oozes douche. He's Ari Gold so I'd still hit it but seriously girl, what were you expecting? Fresca says the date didn't end well, "he got very annoyed when he realized he wasn’t getting what he wanted. He was very upset. He just drove me home and didn’t say a word, which wasn’t really different from dinner. He was angry. He wouldn’t even open the door for me. I had to open the door myself."


This date doesn't sound too horrible in the grand scheme of life.I mean he didn't go Chris Brown on your ass or anything. If Jeremy Piven wanted to take me out for sushi and ply my ass with sake, I can't say I'd turn that shit down, especially in these harsh economic times.



Sushi porn!

I was out for sushi with a dude recently. First date. We met at a club over vodka sodas (me) and beer (him) and he had told me he liked sushi. Awesome, I thought. So like, a week and a half later, we're at the restaurant and he has no idea what to order. "Order for me," he says. What the FUCK? Fo reals? I'd rather die then let someone else decide my food. Especially sushi. This is serious business. I don't fuck around. Plus, first dates are enough pressure, I don't need the added stress of being responsible for picking someone else's dinner, too. What if he didn't like what I picked? What if he thought it was gross? Dude was NOT about to mack on my food, that's for sure. Sorry, you're stuck with yours, shoulda manned up! In all honesty, I found this to be somewhat of a ladybone killer. Order for me? Really? If he's this passive in a restaurant, what's this dude going to be like in...other places? This is did not bode well. We had three more dates before it fizzled, he was a nice enough dude but I believe the fate was sealed with those three little words "order for me."

Sigh. I need to date Jeremy Piven, don't I?

1 comment:

KY said...

hehe breakfast, lunch and dinner! That line will always make me giggle!