YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!

U2 announces two Canadian tour dates
By JANE STEVENSON -- Sun Media

U2 will be making a tour stop in Toronto at Rogers Centre on Sept. 16, Sun Media has learned. The only other Canadian date scheduled so far is Oct. 28 in Vancouver.
U2 is scheduled to play two Canadian dates - in Toronto and Vancouver - on its 2009 fall tour of North America, Sun Media has learned in a world newspaper exclusive.


Could it be? Will my U2 Curse finally be broken?

Those who know me know I have The U2 Curse. They are my favourite band but I have technically only seen them once (Pop Mart tour, Thursday, June 12, 1997, Winnipeg) because of an ongoing series of missed opportunities, geography, poor planning, financial misfortune, bad luck, missed flights, failure to jump out of a car, and all around general clusterfuckery.

I thought my U2 luck had turned around in January of 2007, just a couple weeks after New Year's Day...



I was at the Sundance Film Festival, dressed up like a fucking Storm Trooper standing outside in the freezing cold night doing red carpet interviews when I received a text from a colleague/friend who was covering another event. "Don't freak out but we just heard Bono might show up here" the text said. After being outside for two hours and losing the feeling in both my upper and lower extremities as well as my will to live, this text was just the convincing I needed to wrap that shit the fuck up. "We're outta here," I said to my cameraman and hopped in a cab heading for the other event in an attempt to get a mere glimpse at Mr. Bono.

Alas, Bono did not show.

I should not have been surprised, this was simply par for the course when you have The U2 Curse.



Then, months later I found myself in New York, The City of Blinding Lights, at the Tribeca Film Festival, where, yet again, The U2 Curse reared her spiteful head....



On one particular evening during the festival, there were a few red carpet premieres from which to chose to cover. Having only two crews, we had to make an executive decision, which was determined by the potential starpower at each event. So we chose not to attend the premiere for some no-name documentary about orphans or some shit like that. Sounds like the right decision, yes? WRONG. The next day, a publicist sent out an email press release to all the accredited media informing us that none other than Bono had shown up at the premiere for this fucking orphan doc. The tone of the email was something to the effect of "if you missed last night's premiere of Some Random Orphan Documentary (not the actual title) you must be kicking yourself, Bono showed up!" Really, the press release could have just said "Hey dumbass, the one with the blonde hair, yeah the one who decided not to come to our orphan premiere. Guess you're regretting that now eh, retard? Muwahahahahaha. Sincerely, The U2 Curse."

Here's Bono at that premiere. Alicia Keys and those orphans are judging me. I can feel it.



Then just days after the New York Incident, the final lineup for the Cannes Film Festival was announced and not only was the concert film, U23D set to premiere, but Bono and the boys were scheduled to show up for a red carpet and press conference. Yes! I knew this was it!! I would finally have my chance, I could feel it in my bones. Where U2 would go, I Will Follow.

Days after that, I departed for the festival, my black heart full of optimism, hope and confidence that The U2 Curse had fucked me over for the last time. Sure, I missed my flight, sure I cried at the airport, sure I had to slap down $1200 on my VISA to catch a new flight, sure I passed out on the flight after washing down a sleeping pill with a bottle of wine, sure the airline lost my luggage, sure I was forced to walk around beautiful, luxurious Cannes in the same track pants I had been wearing for about 30 hours, sure I finally discovered a man randomly walking around Cannes with said lost luggage. I didn't care, it was all going to be worth it! The U2 Curse was finally going to die a slow and hopefully, painful death at the Cannes Film Festival....



The U2 press conference was scheduled for 4:30pm. At 3:30pm I raced over to the building, first I had to line up just outside the press conference theatre to collect our passes from the media office for that evening's red carpet. Plenty of time, I thought. But as I approached the line, I knew trouble was afoot. I had been Running to Stand Still. The line was like ten thousand people deep. Shit. I had one hour to get these passes and then get my ass into that theatre to join our camera guy and finally, at last, feast my eyes on my dudes from Dublin...



The line was NOT moving. At all. I was truly Stuck in a Moment. Each minute felt like an eternity as I watched more and more people gather inside the press conference theatre while I stood in line like a fucking chump just steps away. I began to panic. Could it be? Had The U2 Curse followed my ass to France? Why not? That bitch had already fucked me over in Winnipeg, Calgary, Utah and New York. In addition to a sick sense of humour, this bitch obviously had a passport and she wasn't afraid to use it. My hands grew sweaty and a lump formed in my throat. At 4:15pm, standing there with many people still in front of me in line and only 15 minutes until the press conference, I knew I had to take action. I texted my friend Alex and pleaded with her to come relieve me in line so I could get my ass inside that theatre. Thankfully, she had just wrapped up another shoot and was nearby. She was there within ten minutes and with five minutes to spare, I bolted outta that line, jumped over a velvet rope, opened the doors of the theatre and ran up the stairs to join my cameraman Dany. Yes! I made it!

Not so fast......

Before I could even say hi to Dany a security guard was on my ass admonishing me for jumping over the rope. This dude was totally and completely drunk with power, threatening not only to kick me out of the theatre but to pull my festival accreditation altogether. WTF? Under normal circumstances in my every day life, I would have offered this power tripping rent-a-cop an elaborate suggestion for what he could do with my pass involving a splintered broomstick, a rubber band, gasoline, a match, and a whole lotta screaming in an incident that would have left his ass hole resembling Lisa Rinna's busted lips, but since I was completely at his mercy and the presser was beginning in mere minutes, I had to swallow my Pride (In the Name of Love) and simply smiled politely in agreement, apologized and promised to never do it again. BARF. Satisfied, the security guard walked away as a man walked onto the stage, a stage that would soon feature Larry Mullen Jr, Adam Clayton, The Edge and of course, Bono. The man approached the microphone and had this to say to the assembled press; "Unfortunately U2's flight out of Dublin has been delayed and they will not be attending today's press conference."



A delayed flight? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Don't these fuckers have their own private jet or some shit like that? Delayed flight my ass, I knew was was really going on here, The U2 Curse had worked her magic yet again. Deflated in the knowledge that I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, I began to Walk On out of the theatre with cameraman Dany who simply looked at me and said "Wow. You really are cursed, aren't you?" I was Numb. I needed someone to Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss me or Kill Me.

Later that night, after eating and drinking my disappointment away with a delicious meal and bottle of wine, Dany and I headed to the red carpet premiere of U23D. Chances were, the guys weren't going to be there and this was simply an exercise in futility. But of course, if we didn't show up, the band most certainly would show up. The U2 Curse, naturally, works in Mysterious Ways.



As we approached the legendary Palais des Festivals, something struck me, in addition to the hundreds of assembled journalists was something else on that red carpet...instruments. Yep. Not only did U2 fucking show up, those motherfuckers played a mini set right there on the steps of the theatre to make up for missing that afternoon's press conference! It was The Sweetest Thing! What started out So Cruel had truly turned into A Beautiful Day! The photo below is from my own camera, a photo I didn't think I'd be able to retrieve after my camera broke towards the end of the film festival. I'd blame The U2 Curse for infecting my camera but truthfully, getting locked out of our apartment and a vodka-fueled Hulk-style temper tantrum spurred on by a full bladder emergency was the real culprit. Thanks to Nick who eventually let me in our apartment (I know it wasn't a pretty sight) and thanks to Dany whose mad skills and patience helped save the photos from my busted camera...



The photo is alright but it most certainly was not Even Better Than the Real Thing.

So, with the announcement that U2 is coming to my town, has The U2 Curse finally been broken? Tickets to the Toronto show go on sale at the end of March. I suppose we'll see. I just hope life doesn't hand me another Lemon because I will seriously Bullet the Blue Sky.