LOL is No Laughing Matter

...and my ladybone dies.

Everyone has a pet peeve. I probably have more than the average person because I am quite an intolerant little misanthrope but somewhere in the top 25 of my 1000 Greatest Hates has to be the use of LOL. Is the blinding, seething pain I feel coursing through my veins every time I see LOL irrational? Oh, I'm quite sure that it is, but it doesn't make it any less so. However, I am somewhat comforted by the knowledge that I am not alone in my fear and loathing of LOL.
Enter: Californication...

I'm late to the party but Californication is rocking my world, especially the main character, Hank Moody. He can be a despicable bastard at times but it only makes me love him more, possibly because I see myself in him (though I'd rather see him in me. Badabump! Zing!)

Hank especially won over my cold, black heart after expressing his utter disdain and contempt for LOL. One single, salty tear ran down my cheek during these two exchanges in the fourth episode of the first season. In the first, Hank is in bed with a woman when she drops the dreaded LOL;

Woman (laughs): "LOL."
Hank: "What was that?"
Woman: "Hmm?"
Hank: "What did you just say? Just now?"
Woman: "What?"
Hank: "LOL? Laugh out loud?"
Woman: "Yeah."
Hank: "That's part of your lexicon? Really? LOL?"
Woman: "Shouldn't it be part of yours, too? You are writing for cyperspace, you know?"
Hank: "Oh. And there goes my boner...Wave bye bye..."
Woman: "What is your issue with LOL?"
Hank: "I don't have an issue unless you count that fact that every time you say it, you contribute to the death of the English language"
Woman: "So let me get this straight. You're gonna let the fact that I just said LOL get in the way of me giving you the best BJ of your life?"

Me:Yes.

In the second exchange, Hank explains why LOL is no laughing matter while on Henry Rollins' radio talk show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGz6NdLBF2Y

Henry: What's your latest obsession?
Hank: Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.
Henry: Yet you're part of the problem, I mean you're out there blogging with the best of them.
Hank: Hence my self-loathing.

That pretty much sums it up right there. And trust, I fully recognize the irony in feeling this way when I drop F and C bombs on the regular and also abbreviate the shit out of words and phrases like 'that sitch is mos def a hein atroc,' instead of 'that situation is most definitely a heinous atrocity.'

Clearly, hypocrisy, or hypoc, is not one of my many pet peeves.

Disclaimer: If you're an LOLer, please do not be offended, go ahead and continue to LOL your ass off, I fully and completely realize this is my issue. And Hank's.