I Need to Marry Russell Simmons. NOW

I don't think I want kids, frankly the whole 'not drinking for nine months' thing probably wouldn't work out well for me or anyone around me for that matter. Plus I am not what you would call a patient woman and I'd be going Christian Bale on those poor kids every day. However, I might consider putting down the vodka bottle and taking anger management for Russell Simmons. Cause apparently popping out a couple puppies for Russell means your ass is set for life. And by 'set for life' I mean you're wiping your ass with gold toilet paper, putting diamond ice cubes in your drinks and blowing your nose with thousand dollar bills.



Russell and his ex-wife, Kimora Lee, who have two children together, have finalized their divorce and the settlement calls for Russell to pay her ass 40 thousand dollars a month in child support until the girls turn 19. Those little brats are only six and nine years old right now so that Brinks truck will be backing up to Kimora's house for another 13 years! THIS IS SOME CASH FOR LIFE LOTTERY SHIT!!!!!
And that's not all. R-Sim also agreed to buy the girls a car worth at least 60 grand which will be replaced every three years. Seriously, if I was Russell Simmons I would vasectomize that shit right now.