My New BFF?

Yes, Mickey Rourke frightens the fuck out of me. Sure, just looking at his busted face makes these salty drops apparently called 'tears' fall out of my eyes but every day I am faced with mounting evidence that Mick and I would probably be pretty damn good friends. For reals, yo.

First there was this photo of him sucking back the champs right from of the bottle at the BAFTA awards.


Mickey doesn't fuck around, he wants that champers in his mouth and he wants it in his mouth now. He doesn't have the time nor the inclination to find a glass. We should all be so direct. I've been known to suck back a drink or two straight from the bottle myself. I'm classy like that.

Now comes more proof Mick and I would get along famously. Reports say Mickey caused a bit of a commotion at Heathrow Airport recently. Why? Because his luggage was overweight - with shoes! I hope those beautiful gold bitches below were included...



Apparently MickRo had 36kg of shoes. I'm dumb in the brains when it comes to math so I looked that up on the internets and found that's nearly 80 pounds! Traveling with 80 pounds of shoes? As someone who once caught flack for hauling a 'shoe bag' (suitcase filled entirely with footwear) to Mexico, I respect this shit! Apparently Mickey had to redistribute his shit before his ass could check the luggage.

I am a chronic overpacker. I realize how ridiculous and draining it is but I cannot help it. And I know Mickey and I are not alone. My girlfriend Alex and I once traveled from Nice, France to Rome and people were actually gawking in disgust at our luggage at the Nice airport. Most people were checking a single backpack. Not us. We had two suitcases each plus carry-on. Our overweight luggage charges were actually more than the flight itself. In our defense we had just spent ten days working at the Cannes Film Festival but in all honesty, I probably would have overpacked that shit regardless. I often pack upwards of three outfits for each day that I'll be away. It's not that I wear three outfits a day (although I have done that, too) it's that what I wear is often determined with what kind of mood I'm in. By packing only one outfit a day, I'm severely limiting my choices, what if I'm not in the mood for that particular outfit? Then I have no choice. In issues of wardrobe and dressing, I hold the same beliefs I do for reproduction, I'm pro-choice. Also, I don't always know what it is I'll be up to when I'm away. I might stay in and have a games night with friends or I could hit a club or I could go out for a nice dinner. Each of these options requires a different style of dress as well as the corresponding accessories, handbags and footwear. I know Mickey not only understands this, he practices it as well. I think Mickey and I would be great friends although traveling together would be a nightmare for everyone around us.

On a sidenote, can I just say that if I die tomorrow, I want to come back to life as Mickey's dog...






This little bitch not only got a shout out in his Golden Globe acceptance speech, she has several outfits, gets to travel AND walk red carpets? In that last picture it looks like she has her own bodyguard. This bitch is living the life!