Michael Phelps is a Dumbass

Not because he smoked pot but because he got caught.

This weekend, the UK tabloid News of The World printed a photo Olympic gold medallist and all around genetic wonderboy Michael Phelps enthusiastically taking a bong hit like he was Paris Hilton and the bong was a big cock. Actually, scratch that reference, I've seen her tape and bitch answered her celly in the middle of giving a BJ. If I was Rick Solomon, her costar, I would have been like 'bitch get your ass back to work, they don't call this a job for nothing.' Man, Paris truly does suck at everything, even sucking.

Anywhore, the News of The World ran a story about Phelps' pot smokage at a party back in November. A 23-year-old dude smokes weed?!?! WHAT? Next you're going to tell me water is wet. My whole belief system is shattered! Up is down, black is white, right is left.

I can't wait for all the uptight, puritanical, holier than thou people to rage out about how Michael Phelps is a horrible role model. Personally, I could not care less. It's not like dude was snorting lines off a whore's ass and even then I wouldn't care. The guy has spent an ungodly amount of time in the pool training and after rocking the fuck out of the Olympics, he's entitled to blow off some steam, I think anyway. Unless he's doing something that harms others, I don't fucking care. I don't understand people who hold up sports figures, or any celebrity as role models. Michael Phelps' job was to kick some crazy ass in the pool. He did that. The fact that he gets down with Mary Jane after the fact doesn't detract from his accomplishments. I don't think he owes anyone anything else. Hell, I love Justin Timberlake but I'd be willing to put money on him being an insufferable bag of douche. I don't care. I don't want to be his friend, I want that bitch to churn out more sweet dance floor jams, put on a suit and dance like the sex dance monkey he is. I don't give a shit what he does behind closed doors. I might make fun of him for it and it might kill my ladybone for him but I wouldn't let it determine whether or not I listened to his music.

However, I suppose when you're paid millions of dollars by corporations to be the face and image of their products, they pretty much own your ass. Which explains why Phelps' people DESPERATELY tried to stop this story from making it to press, pretty much offering up Michael Phelps in front of them on his knees (and not for beggin' if you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down)

Michael Phelps has of course issued the expected apology for his behaviour. I'd have more respect for him if he was like "Dudes, I'm 23, I'm having fun. Fuck off." And then slapped a bitch with one of his eight gold medals. I guess endorsement money talks though.


Next time, dumbass, just make sure nobody's pulling out a camera. Seriously.